Sometimes, I felt as if Rian was her favorite son.
He was my favorite brother, too.
An hour or so passed. Maa was resting and seemed to be OK, even though she was somewhat pale in the face. I could’ve let her be and gone to bed, but I wanted to keep holding her hand. It seemed to be healing a sick part of my soul.
“Rian, did you eat?” she murmured, stirring a little in her dream.
My chest tightened.
“What was that, Maa?” I asked, my voice shaky.
She murmured some more and turned to her side, taking her hand along with her, making me drop my hold. “Love you,mera beta,” she muttered before falling into a deeper sleep.
I wondered which son she was speaking to in that very moment.
I covered her up a little more and then headed back to bed.
I lay in my darkened room, my chest rising and falling at a quickened pace as I went back to playing with the toy truck in my hand. Maa’s words, speaking to Rian, kept echoing in my head as I lay in the dark.
I felt stupid, and weak, and humiliated that I was jealous of a ghost and his relationship with our mother. Sometimes it felt as if he still received more love from her than I ever would. Sometimes, I wondered if my parents would’ve been so broken if it was me who died and not my brother. They never treatedme differently, but it was a weird fear that sometimes creeped into my mind.
When I needed to clear my head of the thoughts of my brother, I thought of the only thing recently that had been able to take my mind away from my own living nightmare.
I thought about Karla.
That helped.
9Karla
“How much do I have to pay you to get you to stop walking me to class each day? Everyone has a price,” I said to Ellie the next day as we walked down the hallway of my personal hell. If I had a tail, it would’ve been between my legs from how embarrassed I felt.
Hopefully, I wouldn’t have another run-in with Brian. I didn’t need him to see me with my freaking babysitter. Plus, Ellie seemed to act a lot like Ash—very dedicated to defending my honor. The last thing I needed after yesterday was for someone to speak up on my behalf—especially Ellie. Ash standing up for me? I could recover from that. But my freaking nanny? Forget about it. That would be the end of any hope I had at gaining any kind of forward movement in high school. Even though it was far-fetched, sometimes I’d catch Missy looking at me as if she wanted to talk to me. Sometimes, it looked like she missed me like I missed her. That was where the small hope of me being normal again came in—from Missy’s tiny smiles. But I knew I couldn’t be welcomed back into my friend group with a nanny following me around. It only made me look like a bigger loser.
“Trust me, Karla. You probably can’t match what your father is paying me to walk you to your class each day,” Ellie said with a hint of amusement in her tone.
I grumbled to myself, because I knew it was true. Dad always paid people a lot of freaking money whenever he hiredthem on. I knew there was no way I could give Ellie anything that would make it worth her while to betray my father’s trust.
That was unfortunate.
I really hated having her by my side.
“Touché,” I muttered, already annoyed by seven in the morning.
Ellie laughed a little. She even had a beautiful laugh, which was annoying.
Why hadn’t Dad fired her yet?
“If it makes you feel better, it’s like you’re fromThe Princess Diariesor something,” Ellie remarked. “Just consider me your Joe.”
“I don’t know what that means. I don’t get your old-people references.”
Ellie paused her footsteps, and her eyes widened as if I’d finally offended her. “Uh, how old do you think I am?”
“Old enough to be making references that I don’t understand.”
She moved in front of me, blocking my steps. “You don’t know whatThe Princess Diariesis?”
I blankly stared at her. “Should I?”
