Maa took one of his photos off the wall and smiled down at it. It was a picture of him and me when we were kids on Halloween night. I was a zombie, and Rian was a T. rex. “Gosh, remember his dinosaur phase? He wouldn’t go anywhere without roaring loudly at people.”
“Remember he growled at his second-grade teacher?” I snickered.
Maa laughed. “Oh, how could I forget. That was the same year he bit one of his classmates.”
I smiled.
I missed him.
She picked up another picture of Rian and me, staring in awe. “He loved you so much, Ashish.”
“Growing up with him, Dad, and you was a privilege.”
Maa’s eyes stayed weepy. “I’m sorry I left, Ash. This was our home. This was where I should’ve stayed. This was all just...” Her words faded off as she shook her head and hugged one ofRian’s sweatshirts. “I couldn’t breathe,mera beta,” she sniffled. “I just couldn’t breathe.”
I nodded in understanding. “I know, Maa. I get it. I couldn’t either. But I think it’s time.Saas lena,” I said.Breathe.
Being in his room felt like coming home to him. I could feel him all over again, and I was grateful that I was able to do that with my mother by my side. Feeling things deeply was still hard for me. But at least that evening, Maa was there feeling the hard things right alongside me.
“You know what brings me a little peace?” Maa asked.
“What’s that?”
“The idea that the two of them are together.”
I thought the same over the past few years. Dad was probably with Rian, holding his hand, vowing to never let go of my little brother again.
“You know what brings me a little peace?” I asked. She looked my way with raised eyebrows, waiting. “You being here with me.”
She grinned and pulled me into a side hug. “I was thinking I would cook usdaltonight,” Maa said.Dalwas a lentil stew that was packed with flavor. She used to cook it for the family all the time when I was younger. It was one of Rian’s favorite meals. She hadn’t cooked it since he passed away.
Maa was back in her element the moment we stepped into the kitchen. She moved around the space as if she hadn’t been gone for nearly ten years. Dad created that space for her and her love for cooking. Luckily, I hadn’t moved a thing since she last left. Everything was exactly where she’d left it.
It felt good to see her back with her dishes and pans. I helped Maa chop up some items as we talked about anything and everything. We talked about Dad and Rian, too. It felt both easy and hard to talk about them at times.
Within a few hours, the house smelled like my favorite memories of our past. I swore the space felt brighter, too, as if sunlight decided to hit the windows after years of darkness.
She had me taste the stew, and I almost cried from how much comfort it brought me.
I missed her cooking, and I missed her.
Maa smiled at me. Her smile felt like home.
51Ash
Maa decided to stay in town for a few days, and I was thankful for that. I needed her there for me, and I had a feeling she needed me too. After we talked for a while, I headed toward the cemetery at sunset, knowing that was my best chance at running into Karla. The moment I spotted her, she was standing in front of Dad and Rian’s tombstones, talking to them.
“So yeah, that’s about it for updates,” she said, before she must’ve heard footsteps behind her. She turned around swiftly, and her eyes widened the moment she saw me. “Ash. What are you doing here?”
“I came to look for you.”
She rolled her shoulders back and shook her head. Then a deep scowl fell to her face as she marched toward me. “Where have you been, you jerk!” Karla yelped as she approached. The second she was close enough, she smacked my chest. “What’s the matter with you, huh?” she hollered, smacking me again.
“Ouch, I’m sorry,” I said.
“You’re sorry?” Her eyes widened, and she went to smack me again. “You’re sorry?!How dare you give me a pathetic apology after what you’ve been doing, Ashish Otis Banks!”
She used my full government name.
