“I heard Daddy crying in his office.”
Guilt punched me in the gut. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah... Do you hate Daddy?” she timidly asked.
I reached out to her, and she climbed into my lap. “No, Lorelai. I don’t hate Dad.”
“Then why did you make him cry?”
I hesitated to answer, because I couldn’t find the words or thoughts to give a good enough response. “Sometimes, people who care about one another fight, and we can make each other cry by mistake.”
“Did Daddy make you cry, too?”
“Yes. A little.”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Always, squirt.”
She lowered her head and stared at Ms.Maisie in her hands. “Sometimes, I cry because I miss Mama.”
The lump in my throat grew. I had to bite my lip to stop it from trembling. “It’s OK to cry sometimes.”
“I cry a lot sometimes, but then I think about how I want to be strong like you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m strong?”
She nodded. “You’re really strong.”
It was crazy how others could see the complete opposite of what you saw in yourself.
“Here,” Lorelai said, handing me her stuffed animal. “You can cuddle with Ms.Maisie tonight.” She leaned in toward my ear and whispered, “She takes the sad away.”
I sniffled and snuggled the bear. “Thanks, squirt.”
“Welcome, but I’ll need her back tomorrow so I can give her to Daddy, so she can take his sad away, too.”
Oh, Lorelai...
How much you’re like our mother.
So gentle and caring at such a young age.
I instantly felt bad because it was clear I hadn’t been there for her the way I should’ve over the past few months. I’d been living so heavily in my own swamp that I didn’t witness or even care to see how the quicksand was swallowing up others.
Maybe that was what it was like for Dad; maybe he was lost in his own swampland.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” she asked, curling into my side like a kitten. I nodded as I lay us both down on the sleeping bag. It didn’t take long for her breathing to slow down as she drifted off to sleep. Her tiny hand clutched the corner of my shirt as my hand clutched the corner of Mom’s shirt.
For the first time in a while, the heavy ache in my chest felt... lighter.
I couldn’t take my eyes away from my sister as she slept in my arms. The warmth of her skin was what I needed to calm the chill of my soul. She was so small, so innocent. All I could think about was how I needed to be better at shielding her innocence from the darkness of our home and from the brokenness that infested our family. I needed to be better to her andforher.
I pressed a kiss to the top of her head and closed my eyes.
Lorelai was wrong. It wasn’t Ms.Maisie who took the sad away that evening.
It was her.
