“This Karla woman... she meant a lot to you?”
I couldn’t lie to him. Not about her. “More than a lot.”
“Then I think you should try to reconnect with her. You deserve to have good people in your life, because you are a good person.”
I wasn’t to her.
Not with the way that I left. I was certain Chase couldn’t understand it, but me? I understood if Karla never wanted to set eyes on me again. I abandoned her after she had her previous friendships turn on her. I repeated a pattern that did her harm. My own depression didn’t excuse me for hurting her, but maybe if she knew...
Maybe if she realized that after my father’s death, I wanted to lose myself, too. Maybe if she knew how much I wanted to die back then, she’d let me back in.
But she didn’t. For that, I’d respect her wishes.
I’d stay far away.
39Karla
Two weeks after Ash showed up to Second Chance, he stayed on my mind. I hated that, because whenever I’d think of him, I’d think of us—of what we used to be, at least. Then I’d think about what would’ve happened if he never made me fade to black.
Would we still be friends?
Would we have fallen in love?
More in love.
It was no secret that I loved Ash when I was younger. There was no getting around that. I once read somewhere that to be loved is to be seen, and I understood exactly what that meant. Because back then, I saw Ash for who he was, and I loved him for exactly that reason.
But I couldn’t fall into the trap of thinking about Ashish Banks in that way. I knew nothing good would come from wondering about him. Especially wondering if he was wondering about me, too.
The only thing that kept me busy was running my bookshop. Lorelai and Ellie came in often, Ellie each morning and Lorelai in the afternoons. They loved to help me stock shelves and sort through novels in the back room. On an early morning, Ellie was running the register for me as I stood on the fifth step on a ladder, adding a book to the top shelf. If Dad was there, he would’ve told me to not climb a ladder due to my limp and pain in my left leg, but I felt good lately. I started a Pilates class withEllie, and I could definitely notice a slight improvement in my pain. Though the pain was always there, it was whispering a little quieter recently.
As I was placing the final books on the shelf, the bell over the front door rang. I looked over to see a familiar face walk into the shop.
The gentleman was still in his work uniform, one that looked remarkably similar to Ash’s. As I was distracted by his entrance, I almost lost my footing. The guy hurried over and steadied my stance. “Careful there,” he said as he helped me down the ladder.
I combed my hand over my face as my feet touched the floor. I glanced over at Ellie, who didn’t witness my almost tumble. Good. She would’ve definitely told Dad, and I would’ve been forbidden to ever set foot on a ladder again.
Unfortunately, as I stepped off the final step, a slice of pain rippled up my left leg. I tried to push past the pain as I smiled at the guy. Or at least, I tried my best to not showcase my discomfort. It was remarkable how a person in constant pain could look perfectly fine to those outside of their struggles.
“Thank you,” I said, giving the guy a small smile. “I hope you don’t charge my insurance for that assistance,” I joked, nodding toward his paramedic shirt.
“Luckily for you, I’m off the clock,” he replied. He smiled largely and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know if you would remember, but I was one of the paramedics that was called to your bookshop a few weeks ago. We took care of your grandmother, I believe.”
“Oh, yes. I remember, um...?”
“Oh, Chase.” He held a hand out toward me. “Judging by your name tag, you must be Karla.”
“The one and only.” I smiled and shook his hand. “Nice tomeet you, Chase. Thank you again for helping my grandmother. She’s doing much better and is getting the right treatments.”
Chase nodded as he dropped my handshake. “I’m glad to hear it.”
He stood there for a moment, not saying anything. When one too many seconds passed without him speaking, I cleared my throat. “Um, can I help you find something? Are you in the market for a used novel? I can even give you the twenty-percent-off-for-saving-the-owner’s-grandmother discount,” I said.
“No, no. Not much of a reader, if I’m honest.”
“Oh, Chase. I think that means you haven’t found the right book just yet.”
“Is that right?”
