But Beatrix swears his limp is worse. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Robert says. “Last night was hard for all of us.”
It was hard. Harder than anything Beatrix has faced in a long time. The war and the zeppelin and the broken city were terrible enough, but that icy fear that cut through her when she realized where Elsie had gone—when she knew she might already be too late—was worse. She thought she would never feel that pain again.
“Mum wanted you to have food in case you were hungry, and we thought Elsie would jump into bed with you. I thought I could manage it without waking you. I guess I’m not as nimble as I used to be.”
Beatrix raises an eyebrow at him.
Robert grimaces. “Bringing the food, I mean. I thought I could manage the food, not jumping into bed with you. You know, I’m just going to shut up now.”
Beatrix can’t help but smile at him. “Is Elsie all right?”
“Thanks to you.” Robert shakes his head. “I just… I don’t understand why you would do that.”
“You would have done the same thing,” she says.
“I couldn’t have done the same thing, could I?” he says darkly. He can’t run after his sister. He can barely walk.
“I’m sorry,” Beatrix says. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Robert sighs. “I shouldn’t take it out on you, of all people. But I’m her brother. I’m the one that’s supposed to protect her. All of them. Especially now Dad’s gone. You’re…”
Nothing. She is nothing to Elsie, nothing to this family. “Only a boarder?”
“You’re notonlyanything,” Robert says firmly. “I just meant you didn’t have to.”
“I did.” And there is only one thing to be done for it. “I should go back to London.”
“They’ll be targeting London, too,” Robert says. “I reckon it’s worse down there. You should stay.”
But Beatrix isn’t afraid of more zeppelins. “I’m sure your mother can find another boarder.”
Robert catches her eye. “I would like you to stay.”
Her heart skips. It would be easy to stay. Dangerously easy, to stay here with Robert, to become a part of this family, to pretend she has a normal life. She could have years with them. But it would be borrowed time. A borrowed beautiful life that does not belong to her.
Robert sits on the edge of the bed and takes her hand in his. “I’d like a chance to get to know you, Beatrix. I can’t do that if you run away to London.”
But even if she stays, he won’t know the real Beatrix. He will never know her like Oliver does.
Like Oliver did. Because he is gone, too.
She doesn’t move out of Robert’s grasp. He is here and now, sitting in front of her. Maybe that could be enough.
As soon as she thinks it, she knows it won’t be. It would be over in a blink of an eye, and she would be left alone again, left to start over again. To lose everything, again and again and again. Isn’t that why she let Oliver go?
“Stay, please,” Robert says.
Beatrix pulls her hand from his. “I can’t.”
December 5, 1916Barnbow, England
Beatrix shivers against the sudden rush of cool air as her wool blanket is torn away.
“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty,” a woman says in a raspy voice.
“Come on, Marjorie. Already?” Beatrix groans. She swears she has just lain down.
