and that i’m the problem and it’s probably my fault i can’t thrive here, okay! i get it!
i don’t know what to DO with it, now that i’ve got it!
I’m dizzy, putting that knot in my chest into words for the first time.
sampaguita72:
Always so dramatic
You make me sound so bad!
So now she’s gaslighting me!
ruby.ocampo:
Every time you’d sigh and say, “i wish you would…” or “why don’t you…” or “why can’t you just…”
you think those things just pass through me? you don’t think every single one gets under my skin?
do you even realize how much power your words have over me?
My head is spinning. I’m going to throw up.
sampaguita72:
It’s your life, Ruby!
I was so afraid all the time, just trying to hold things together for you!
And there it is, right on cue—the guilt creeping back in, like a puddle seeping into a sock. It seems like we always end up back here. But I’m so agitated from this conversation already—a truly unprecedented level of honesty between us—it’s like my fingers barrel ahead on their own.
ruby.ocampo:
Mom, why didn’t you approve of Greg? Why were you so insistent I shouldn’t date him?
Oh God, we’re going there.
sampaguita72 is typing
The words vanish, appear, disappear again. It feels like hours pass, but the clock in the corner of the screen says it’s been minutes.
I can practically hear her sigh.
sampaguita72:
Because Greg is too much like us
He and Wendy, they struggle like we do
And he seemed content with the way things are—no drive to change his situation
She’s wrong about him. I know he has drive, even if it’s not the way she expected.
sampaguita72:
And I didn’t want you to have to struggle
I wanted you to have the best
