She gazed at the little Christmas tree, watching the lights twinkle and thinking of that other tree so long ago, the one she and Erik had sat under together, sipping chicken soup and comforting each other. All she had wanted then was for him to return her feelings.
What did it say about her that so many years later, she was sitting by another tree, in another town, wishing the same hopeless wish?
She turned to the window, where the sun was slowly rising, painting the snowy landscape the palest pink.
I’m not going to let this get me down,she tried to tell herself, as tears threatened but didn’t spill. She was determined to pull herself together and plan some things for them to do when they got home, so that Gael would have something fun to focus on.
It didn’t matter if that faraway place didn’t really feel like home anymore.
By the time she heard Gael’s footsteps on the wood plank floors, she had half a page of ideas jotted down in her notebook. The aquarium and the Tea Party boats were on the list, but so was the Boston Public Garden. Maybe she would be envisioning that pretend date with Erik when they first arrived. But she wasn’t going to let her own foolishness rob her son of one of the most beautiful parks in the world.
“Happy New Year’s Eve,” Gael murmured, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Happy New Year’s Eve to you too,” she told him, offering him a smile.
He headed to the sofa and sat beside her, wriggling himself in closer. It was one of Jenny’s favorite things about mornings, when Gael felt snuggly.
“There won’t be a wedding today,” he said quietly.
They had gone over all of this last night before bed, but it was just like Gael to want to work through it.
“No,” she agreed. “There won’t be a wedding. But we’ll still have a fun day.”
“We’ll eat pancakes with Trudy and Ward,” he said, smiling at the idea.
“Yes,” she told him. “And we’ll go for a walk by the lake. And then we’ll go into town and window shop.”
“Do we need a window?” Gael asked.
“That’s when you go shopping just to look,” she explained.
“Right,” Gael said. “But maybe we can buyonething, if we really,reallylove it.”
“Maybe,” she said, unable to keep from smiling.
“We’ll go to the bookstore,” he said, nodding to himself.
“And then we can see how we feel,” she said. “We might want to go explore the countryside, or we might want to come back here and curl up with our books, or watch a movie together.”
“That sounds nice,” Gael said contentedly. “And Erik won’t be too sad?”
Jenny’s heart ached, but she smiled.
“No,” she said. “Erik has so many friends. He won’t be too sad without us.”
“Why does he want us to go home?” Gael asked, not for the first time.
“Erik and I were good friends back in school,” Jenny said. “And it was so much fun to see each other again. But when I see how busy his life is here, I can understand why he’s worried about making big changes. We’ll always be friends. We just won’t be boyfriend and girlfriend.”
“If you’re friends, then why won’t you talk to him?” Gael said, his eyes on her phone.
Jenny bit her lip. She didn’t have a glossy, grownup answer to that.
“Because I’m still sad,” she admitted. “And I’m embarrassed. I don’t want Erik to try to cheer me up. I’ll call him back as soon as we’re home and I’m feeling better.”
“Friends cheer each other up,” Gael said automatically.
“This is different,” she told him. “I can’t really explain it, but it just is.”
