Neve barely looked up when he stepped into the room, going through the motions again until the weapon sat on the table, fully assembled, her hands shaking slightly as they rested on either side. She swallowed, looking as if she might puke.
Coulter didn’t reach for her. Didn’t add to the stimulation coursing through her veins, making the muscle in her temple jump. Instead, he dimmed the lights, placed his hand on the back of her chair. “Come with me.”
Neve blinked, staring up at him all doe-eyed, her chin quivering a bit. “Coulter, I?—”
“That’s an order, Master Warrant.”
Neve’s eyes narrowed, a hint of blush creeping into her otherwise pale cheeks. She holstered her weapon, scraped the chair back, then slipped in front of him, avoiding any chance at even a suggestion of contact. Her boots tapped the concrete floor as she walked into the hallway, waiting for him to take the lead.
He kept the pace easy but steady, avoiding any chance of someone interrupting them before he’d gotten her sequestered in their room. She shifted to his right, jaw tight, hands fisted at her side. She faltered for a moment when she realized he’d turned down the hallway to the bedrooms, glancing at the living area before following after him.
The air grew heavy, the weight of her gaze practically boring into his shoulder blades. He kept her in his peripheral vision, stopping outside their door. Neve crossed her arms over her chest as he swung it open, waving her inside.
She paused, looking as if she wanted to dump him on his ass, then walked across the threshold, immediately going to the opposite side of the room, putting as much space as possible between her and the bed.
Good.
He wasn’t looking for a quick tumble between the sheets. For anything other than to help her decompress. What he should have insisted on as soon as Darwin had cleared them.
He dimmed the lights, careful not to make any sudden movements as he closed the distance, stopping a foot away. She stared up at him, her gaze darting to the bed then back, her muscles primed for a fight. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, though, he wasn’t even sure if she realized it.
He blew out a slow breath, reminding himself to keep his voice low. “We need to talk.”
She frowned, still shifting back and forth. “We could have done that in the armory.”
“I thought you’d want to be someplace more comfortable.”
“I was comfortable there.”
“Oh, sweetheart. You’re so far away from that you can’t even stand still. Look at you. Your jaw’s tensed, your hands fisted. You’re staring at me as if you expect me to launch an attack. Tackle you to the floor. Or maybe the bed.”
He inched closer, still keeping his hands to himself. “You killed Fraser.” He stopped her from interrupting. “To save me.”
Her jaw tensed, though, he wasn’t sure how she clenched it any tighter when he already suspected she was cracking her molars. “It’s not the first time I’ve taken a life.”
“No, but it’s the first time you’ve had to kill someone you considered a teammate. Hell, family.”
Her bravado dropped, her chin quivering as she pushed past him, stopped next to the bed. “He lost that right when he betrayed us. Shot Kane. If we hadn’t gotten insanely lucky…”
“It wasn’t luck that saved you that day, and it doesn’t matter that it was justified. That I wouldn’t have walked out of that clinic in one piece if you’d hesitated for even a second. You killed someone you’d cared about — had sworn to protect. Unless you make peace with that, it’s gonna eat away at everything good inside you. Turn you into a shell of yourself. I should know. I’ve spent twenty years pretending each shot didn’t take a piece of my soul with it. If I hadn’t found you…” He shook his head. “I would have lost anything worth saving three years ago.”
She blinked, her eyes filling with tears before she closed them as a few slipped free. She balled her hands, clasping them together as if she could wring away the guilt and pain.
He moved over to her, traced her cheek with his thumb. “Talk to me.”
She swallowed, gagged as if it hadn’t gone down right as she shook her head. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“That you’re hurting. That you’re angry. That as much as you wanted him to pay, having it end like this, even to save my life, is tearing you apart.”
“Why? None of that’s going to change anything.”
“It’s not about changing the past, it’s about allowing yourself to feel.” He inched closer. “It’s about forgiveness so you can have a future, even if a part of you doesn’t think you deserve it.”
She speared her fingers through her hair, spiking it in every direction. “He would have killed you.”
Coulter nodded. “Probably.”
“So how can I regret taking the shot without saying I would have been okay with the alternative? That I could have stood there and watched you…”
