She shuffled forward — the armor she kept around her like a shield cracking slightly. “That Ranger buddy out in Oregon — the one who keeps trying to recruit you. Bodie. Maybe hear him out.”
Nick straightened, biting back a curse as pain throbbed through his shoulder. “You trying to get rid of me?”
“I can’t keep doing this, Nick. Can’t be the one out there with you when your luck finally runs out. Be the reason…”
She took a few steps back, voice thick, eyes glassy. He stumbled to his feet, ignoring the irate huff she tossed at him as he tripped his way over to her, cornered her against the door.
She bit her lip, looking angry and sad and so damn beautiful it made his chest hurt. “Nick…”
“Back in the plane, you said we needed to talk.” He braced his left forearm against the wall. “Is that what you wanted to say? That you’re bailing on me?”
Her lips pursed, hints of red blooming on her cheeks. “I’m not bailing. I’m making a strategic retreat before I have to bring you back in a body bag.”
“Still breathing.”
“But for how long?”
He scowled. “This is who I am. Who I’ve always been.”
“No, it’s who you became after that mission nearly killed you five years ago.” She brushed her thumb along his jaw. “And thinking you’ve got this under control is an illusion that’s gonna drive you into an early grave.”
Nick grunted, staggered halfway back to the couch. “I’m not sure what you want from me. I thought…” He coughed around the lump in his throat before pushing through. “I thought things had shifted between us. Or was that just an illusion, too?”
Sloane inhaled, a few tears slipping down her face before she swiped at them. “Why do you think I’m so upset? Things have changed, but…”
“But what, exactly?”
She pushed off the wall, took a step closer. “I need the version of you who takes a bullet to protect the people you lov—” She cut off for a moment. Breathed. “Not the man who jumps in front because he’s trying to fill a void. Because he’s so damn empty inside, he’s looking for a way out.”
“I didn’t shove you out of the way for the greater good, sweetheart.”
Her left eye twitched at the endearment, a few more tears breaking free. One of the few times he’d ever seen her cry. “I know. But what about the next mission? And the one after that?”
“I’m not the only one who puts their life on the line. Who could have been killed.”
“I’m not saying…” Her head bowed forward, shoulders drooping. “Deputy Director Hill asked me to be part of a DIA joint task force for the next couple months, effective immediately. It’s mostly cyber work but…” She sighed, the sound heavy. Final. “I could use a break from the field if I’m being honest.”
His stomach dropped, all the warmth he’d been feeling since admitting he was falling for her turning to ice. “Guess that answers all my questions.”
“Nick, I…” She swallowed, coughed, then opened the door, stopping on the threshold as she glanced back at him over her shoulder. “Just think about what I said before there really isn’t anything left of you to save.”
He waited until the door had nearly closed before muttering the truth he’d been hiding since Bodie had first asked him to join Raven’s Security. “If I go to Oregon, I’ll be three thousand miles away. I don’t see how that solves anything.”
She inched the door back open, leaned against it. “Or maybe, it’s the first step in saving us both.” She nodded at him. “Don’t forget to take those antibiotics.”
Nick collapsed on the couch, their argument playing over in his head. The look in her eyes, the desperate tone in her voice — the unforgiving truth he’d been trying not to face. He mulled it over, wondering if he’d lost or won, when his cell rang, Bodie’s name flashing on the screen like a beacon. And for the first time since his buddy had offered him a job, he saw it for what it was — a lifeline. One he wasn’t sure he could pass up anymore.
