“Yep. That seems about right.”
I was just getting up when the words left her lips. Turning on my heel, I glowered at her. “And what the hell does that mean?”
Setting her bowl down, she finally had the decency to grace me with her gaze. “It’s exactly what it means. We’re talking about something that’s not superficial, and not sex, and that’s it for you. You’re out the door because you can’t carry on a conversation with any meaning.”
“Where the hell is this coming from? I didn’t come here to get berated by you.”
“No, you just came to have sex.”
“You set the rules,” I reminded her. “You’re the one who said I had to watch a movie. So I’m here, watching the damn movie.”
“And unable to have a conversation,” she added. “Look, it’s not a big deal. I’m just making an observation.”
“An unnecessary observation.”
She cocked her head at me, which only pissed me off. “How so?”
“Listen,” I ground out, clenching my fists as anger washed over me. “I didn’t come here so you could criticize me.”
“Then by all means, leave.”
“So, that’s how it is,” I huffed.
“Sam, you’re the one who can’t sit down and talk with me. Frankly, I think it’s ridiculous that I even have to point out that a conversation wouldn’t be completely unwarranted. Itispretty normal to talk to the person you’re screwing.”
I hesitated to point out that talking was normal in a relationship, but in ours, there were no precursors to sex. Other than the movie.
“Look, it’s fine. I get it. You don’t want to talk about the simplest things. You’re probably pissed that I even know about your mother. Fine. We won’t talk about her.” She quirked an eyebrow at me. “So, what topics aren’t off the table?”
I scrambled for something to say, anything that would allow me to stay here instead of going back to Jeff’s house for the night. I was getting comfortable here, and I didn’t really want to leave. But the longer I stood there, I didn’t even know where to begin.
“Well, how about you think it over and let me know when you’ve thought of a safe topic.”
She leaned back into the couch and focused on the movie once again. I didn’t know what to do. Was I supposed to leave? Should I kiss her goodbye? Were words even necessary?
“That would be your cue to walk out the door,” she said, not even bothering to look at me.
I did as she said, letting myself out, but as I stood on her doorstep, I just couldn’t bring myself to leave. Would it really be so fucking awful to have a conversation with her? There had to be something safe that wouldn’t bring my anger out. But somehow, I didn’t think she’d want to talk about any of that.
Sighing, I shoved the door open and stepped back inside.
This time, she looked at me, waiting for me to speak.
I stood there, my fingers rubbing against each other as I tried to form the words. I wasn’t good with this, and it showed in every way.
“No, I don’t like holidays because of what happened to my mom. I avoid them because…because I always remember that day. I see her falling to the floor, and I remember being that kid, terrified as my mom died. And I did nothing to help her.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered anyway,” she whispered.
“Doesn’t change the fact that— She’s still dead.”
“I know.”
Her words, kind and soft, like she understood the demons in my mind despite never having seen them. It didn’t change anything, but I no longer wanted to flee. She knew, and I didn’t have to hide who I was or how I felt.
When she held out her hand to me, I walked over and took a seat beside her, stealing the bowl of popcorn. She didn’t ask me anything else the rest of the night, and when we went to bed, I fucked her hard and pretended once again that I wasn’t falling for her.
21
