Nodding, I stepped back, trying not to let his explanation dig an even deeper hole in my chest. A naive woman would believe the words coming out of his mouth. That he really did just want privacy. But I knew better. I wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t trying to keep this private. He just wanted to have fun without the whole town pressuring him.
Fun. That’s all this was.
“Hey.” He nudged my chin, and I smiled forcefully, needing a minute to digest this new information. “I’ll see you soon. And don’t forget to lock that door.”
I nodded as he stepped back and walked right out the door, winking at me one last time.
Leaning back against the desk, I breathed heavily, feeling completely stupid about the whole thing. I didn’t even have anyone to blame but myself. I had begged him to take me home and fuck me.
There was no talk of dating or when we would see each other again. If anything, our entire experience was one step away from random fucking.
Actually…
“Oh God,” I moaned, turning and clunking my head down on the desk. “I’m his booty call!”
“What’s that?”
Gasping, I spun around, clutching my fist to my chest as I glared at Alyssa standing in the doorway. “Would you make some noise when you enter?”
“I’ve actually been here for about half an hour, but you were otherwise engaged,” she smirked as her eyes took in my still torn clothes. “And it sounded like it was really good.”
Tearing my shirt off, I tossed it in the trash and grabbed a new one. “Yeah, well…I doubt that’s gonna happen again.”
“Why?”
“Because he basically just told me that he only wanted to fuck me. Which, I already knew,” I sighed.
Tugging the shirt over my head, I growled in frustration when it got stuck on my clip that was tangled in my hair. Alyssa grabbed the material and helped me pull it down.
“You need to relax. Sam’s a good guy. He’s just…emotionally stunted.”
“And totally using me!” I snapped, grabbing my pants.
“And you’re using him, too. It’s not like you can say that you expected more. How long has this been going on?” she asked knowingly.
Longer than I cared to admit. “You can’t tell anyone. He doesn’t want any gossip spreading about him.”
“Girl, trust me. I like my secrets, too. I won’t say a word. But you need to figure out what you’re going to do about your little conundrum. Either you get good dick, or you wish you were getting good dick. Which is it gonna be?”
Yanking up my pants, I thought long and hard about her question. I did like the sex, but was I really willing to be his dirty little secret? I always thought that when I finally found someone who I connected with sexually, there would be so much good stuff to go along with it.
Date nights.
Movies on the couch while cuddling.
Breakfast at the diner.
But I would never have any of that as long as I was sleeping with Sam.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, stop thinking about all that you’re gonna miss out on for just a moment. Instead, think of all the sneaking around. You would literally be the only people in town who could actually keep a secret.”
The thought was intriguing. And the sex was really amazing. “God, I don’t know.”
“Then sleep on it. Like I said, Sam is a good guy, so it’s not like you’re doing anything wrong.”
“No,” I sighed. “I just don’t know if I can actually handle all the secrecy.”
