“Me?” she gaped. “I’m perfectly happy. The question is, what’s wrong with you?”
“You mean other than the fact that my leg is still hurting?”
“Well, that will heal with time. Your heart, on the other hand?—”
“There’s nothing wrong with my heart.”
“Other than the fact that you kicked a very sexy man out of your bed, which I still don’t understand.”
I’d been holding back since the moment he moved out, but if I didn’t tell someone, I’d burst. I was constantly on edge, always feeling like I was just a second away from breaking down in tears.
“What is it?” she asked, pulling me to a stop outside the candy shop.
Blinking back the moisture filling my eyes, I looked away, ashamed by what I was about to admit.
“I remembered the accident.”
“Oh. Cass, did you tell Sam?”
I shook my head, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “I woke up and he wasn’t there.”
It made sense to me, but would anyone else understand? From the confusion on her face, I could tell she wasn’t sure what I was getting at.
“I reached for him, but he wasn’t there. He was training, and I realized that soon, he would be leaving for his career, and I would be nothing more than a distant memory.”
“Cass,” she sighed. “You have to tell him.”
“No, I don’t. It won’t do any good anyway. Do you think he’s going to give up his career to stay home with me and chase away the nightmares?”
“Did you ask?”
“No, and I would never do that. He’s so excited about this. When he came home every night, he was exhausted, but he wanted it so badly. I could see it every time he talked about getting back in the ring.”
“That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t still want you.”
“He didn’t exactly fight it when I showed him that house. He signed the contract the same day he looked at it.”
“Well, you did pretty much shove him out the door.”
“Because he was going to leave anyway!”
Anger and sadness swelled inside me as I swiped at the tears leaking down my cheeks. I was so tired of feeling twisted up inside. No matter how many times I told myself that this was all for the best, I still felt like my insides were being ripped out.
“I love him, Josie,” I admitted quietly. “And he’s told me multiple times that he will never have anything more to offer me. His job is everything to him, and I’m just the fling he enjoyed for a time.”
Like the good friend she was, she wrapped me in a hug and held me as I cried. I knew it was ridiculous. Our whole relationship—if you could call it that—he’d been telling me there would never be more. I did a terrible job protecting my heart, and worse, I fell for the stupid man. I only had myself to blame.
“It’ll be fine,” I said, swiping the tears from my eyes. “I just need a few days to push past these feelings, and then it’ll be like he was never even part of my life.
Chuckling, she linked her arm through mine once again and we headed down the street. “You’re a terrible liar, Cassidy. Especially when you’re lying to yourself.”
41
SAM
“Come on!Your head’s not in the game!” Deke shouted as Masters slammed his fist into my jaw. My head snapped to the side with brutal force, and it took me a second to recover.
Thankfully, Deke called a break, sending Masters to the corner as he pushed me into mine.
