When I slipped out of bed early the next morning, groggy and crabby as hell, I knew last night was a turning point. Things needed to change around here, and I was the only one who could make those changes happen.
After grabbing my coffee, I opened my laptop and looked at listings in the area. It wasn’t long before I found something suitable for Sam. I just had to make sure I phrased it right, like it was a deal he couldn’t possibly turn down. The house was a rental, which was perfect for him since he’d be on the road soon, and it was small enough that he didn’t have to worry about whatwas going on in my head. It was definitely not a house for a family any larger than three.
That should dissuade him from any notions that I was house hunting for the two of us.
“What are you looking at?” he asked, surprising me as he leaned over my shoulder, pressing a kiss to my cheek.
“Houses.”
“For?”
I turned the screen to face him, and pointed to the small house situated at the edge of town, closer to the ranch. “This popped up. Isn’t it perfect?” I could feel his hesitation. “For you.”
“For me.”
Craning my neck, I finally turned to face him, making sure to plaster a smile on my face. “Yes. I mean, you can’t live in that mobile home forever. It’s too small, and when you go out of town, who’s going to watch over it?”
“Who would watch over this house?”
“It’s a rental,” I pointed out. “Kind of perfect.”
Walking around to my side of the couch, he sat beside me. “What is this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you looking for houses for me?”
“I wasn’t looking. I just came across it online. I know you don’t want to stay in that house on wheels.”
Confusion clouded his eyes at my words, but I pressed on. “I mean, come on. It’s not like you want to live in that thing forever. This way, you can rent the house and not worry about it when you go on the road.”
I didn’t dare mention that he could stay here. The whole point was to get him out of my house and out of my head as soon as possible. Only then could I truly get back to my old self, where I relied only on me for everything.
“I guess I could check it out.”
“Sooner rather than later. Rentals don’t come up that often.”
Shifting beside me, I knew what he was thinking before the words left his lips, but I was ready for this.
“You know, it’s almost like you’re trying to get rid of me.”
“Oh please,” I said, rolling my eyes. “We both know this was never meant to be a permanent thing. You only stayed here because I had a cast on my leg and Austin was on the loose. Both of those issues have been resolved.”
He didn’t argue, but I knew he was wondering what sparked this sudden conversation. I didn’t give him the chance to ask me about it. Getting to my feet, I gingerly stepped on my leg without the crutches, testing the weight.
“I have to get ready for work. Josie’s picking me up today.”
“I can drop you off,” he protested, getting to his feet.
“I know, but she’s bringing Alyssa to the shop today. It only makes sense that she picks me up.”
I pressed a quick kiss to his lips, smiling as if nothing was wrong, then turned for the bedroom. My leg was super weak from all the time in the cast, but according to the doctor, I could walk without crutches for small periods throughout the day until it no longer wore me out.
I focused on that, and the pain that accompanied putting pressure on my newly healed bones, instead of the man still standing in my living room. It would do me no good to think about someone who could never give me all of him.
And I wasn’t going to pretend anything different would ever come of our relationship.
39
