After Dave and I get into bed and I’m resting my head against his chest and squeezing him hard, he asks me if I’m ready for tomorrow. For the flight. The visit.
“I splurged for those first-class tickets, so sure, I’m ready!” I say. “And I’m wearing my new polar bear jammies. Silky, huh?” I ease his hand over my waist.
“Diana …”
“Yes, I know that’s not what you meant.” I inch up a bit so that I can nuzzle my mouth against his neck, so that he can feel my steady breath, feel how solid I am. “It’s going to be awesome.”
It’ll be the first time that I’ll see Katrina and Tommy in person since Patrick left us. Since a major part of our lives blew up.
It’s an easy flight, and I’m glad we rented a car because I feel like an airport reunion would have been cliché and awful. But then Dave is driving us to her house—the house she shared with Patrick and their son—and I start to feel panicked. As much as I want to see where he lived, feel him, I also don’t. I can understand why Katrina has avoided connecting with me too closely. It’s got to be damn painful to be in close contact with Patrick’s friends.
Dave pulls the car into the driveway, and I freeze in my seat. He’s got to help me out of the car, and I do this clunky push-backstep thing. He opens the trunk to unload our luggage.
“We should have stayed at a hotel, right?”’
“No,” he says as he wheels our bags up the driveway. “Just hang on. Patrick would want you to stay here. And I think with me.”
He’s right, so I nod and follow him.
The house is so damn cute. Black shutters and a red front door. An actual picket fence around a grassy yard.
What really calms my nerves is when Katrina throws open the door with her gorgeous toddler in her arms. Tommy is wrapped in one of the rather tragic blankets that I knitted. My originals were not great, and while my later attempts were not much better, I’d persevered enough to keep going, so I’m delighted tosee her holding him in one of my shoddy blankets when the door opens. When he about falls out of her arms as he reaches for me.
“DiNah!” He giggles and claps his hands. “DiNah!”
I immediately drop to my knees and wait as he rushes into my arms, nearly crying, but in the best way. “He remembers me?” I ask. “Just after from our Facetime chats?”
“Of course!” Katrina smiles and confirms. “And Tommy?” She points to Dave. “And who is that? Can you say hello?”
Tommy’s feet kick in excitement. “New Fwend Dabe? Huwoo, New Dabe.”
Both of us stop in our tracks.
Dave speaks before I can. “He knows me?”
“Of course.” She nods. “I’ve been showing him the pictures and videos you’ve been sending for months. I even have what now feels like old-fashioned photo albums. He toddles over to the shelves and yanks them down every other day. They’re mostly full of pictures of Patrick, Diana, my sisters, and obviously you and his bestie, RobBob. Immediate family. Much-loved friends.Much-neededfriends.” Katrina beams as she watches me and Tommy connect in person. Maybe this kiddo and I don’t see each other every day, but all the Facetiming has created a bond that is strong. “And it became clear that I had to add in New Friend Dave.”
I can see that Katrina needs a moment, so I beckon her to move ahead without us.
“Is it too hard for me to be here for her?” I ask.
“Maybe the opposite,” he says. “Look at her.”
It’s so nice to see her smile.
After we’re inside the house, I swing Tommy up and down, then set him on my hip and let him snuggle against me.
“That was sweet of you,” I say. “What you said about Dave.”
Katrina touches her son’s foot. “It wasn’t to be nice. It’s because he’s your Katrina.”
Damn her. Damn Patrick. Damn this little sweetie now resting his head on my shoulder and gripping his precious hands against my fingers.
I hold back a laugh. “Damn Patrick for telling you that. And also bless him.” I rock back and forth.
We stand together silently for a bit. Soon, Katrina’s hand is against mine, and we together feel his back rising and falling, so rhythmically and measuredly.
“Do you have a rocking chair? I’m sure I could put him down, but I’d love to hold him for a bit more, if that’s okay. Just to watch him sleep. Tofeelhim sleep.”
