Simon pulls out his phone. “I have fifty-eight friend requests! And...ten messages.”
“You’ve been taggedhotdada whole bunch,” Esben says with a laugh.
“Great. A bunch of women, probably.” Simon fake pouts.
“Um...I don’t think so.” Esben waves his phone around. “A lot of comments from guys. And some cute ones, too.”
“Really?” For the first time in an hour, Simon steps away from our new dog. “I’m going to have to do a little investigating, it seems.”
I sit with more dogs than I can count, I smile more than I have in the past three weeks, and I am overcome with the feeling that I might do some good for all of these deserving animals. This process makes me understand Esben even more. Helping others can help me heal myself.
While Esben is posting the last photo, one of me with an outstandingly cute yellow Labrador—one who has not been adopted without any discernible reason—I lean against him. “That Lab? That dog is a sweetheart. I hate this. I hate that she’s been so alone. But I know that we’re going to find her a family because of this. She’s going to be loved, and she’ll feel that love, and she will forget her past. I know that.” I breathe him in. “I feel so much better. Thank you.”
“This was your deal, my sweets. This is all you.” He swings his arm over me and keeps me close.
“There. One day down,” I state with as much pride and courage as I can muster. “Now I just have to get through the rest of them.”
“We’ll do this every day if you want,” Esben promises. “For as long as you need to.”
We might have to. I cannot fathom how I will survive the days that lead to the call.
The call in which I’ll be told that Steffi has died.
CHAPTER 26
SOCIAL DESTRUCTION
By the second week in March, the weather begins to lift, and it’s a good way to kick off spring break. Simon and I were going to take a trip to Washington, DC, and do touristy stuff together, but there’s a massive airline strike involving most of the major airlines, and we lost our flights. Although I’m disappointed, I’m also exhausted from late nights of research and paper writing, so I don’t mind some downtime here at school. Simon wanted me to come home and stay with him, but I think he understands that I just want to lie around here and sleep for a week.
Esben and Kerry are driving home tomorrow, and I’m going to be in the minority staying on campus during break, but I’m actually looking forward to the quiet. This is a desire forhealthyalone time, unlike it would have been last year, and I’m proud of my progress.
Esben has been furiously clicking away on his laptop, and I glance up from my collapsed spot on the bed to see what he’s doing. He’s leaning against the wall, with my legs over his, and by the stern face he’s making, I know he’s in a mood of sorts. I shut my eyes and take a few more minutes to recover from this week. Both of us have been stressed out, although I’m not sure exactly what’s been going on with him. He seemed to sail through the two big tests he had this week, yet something has been getting under his skin over the past month. Just traces here and there, but enough for me to notice. I’ve tried asking him, but he’s assured me up and down that nothing is wrong.
I’m not convinced.
Apparently, I’ve fallen asleep, because I’m jolted awake when Kerry simultaneously knocks and bursts through the door. “Hello, my darlings! What’s shakin’?”
It takes a minute for me to respond. “Hey, Kerry.” I rub my eyes and yawn. “You look happy.”
She gives a twirl. “I am. I’m all in love and swoony and feeling full of life and all that corny stuff.” She throws a sidelong peek at Esben, who has not looked up from his screen, and then raises her eyebrows at me. “I was hoping for some girl talk.”
“Sure,” I say with a stretch. “Give me a minute.”
“What’s up with grumpy there?” she asks.
It takes a few nudges to draw his attention away. “Yeah? What? Oh, hi, Kerry. Sorry.”
“Hiya, Baby Blue.” Kerry puts a hand on her hip. “Why so pissy?”
“It’s just...I didn’t understand how much crap you filtered out online.”
“What do you mean?” She sits in my desk chair and frowns.
His neck cracks as he rolls his head. “You haven’t been deleting comments and banning and blocking people the way you used to.”
“Oh.” Her face drops. “I didn’t realize. God, Esben, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I knew that you’ve been pulling back, and that’s fine. You’re...preoccupied or whatever with Jason. And I get it. It’s cool. I’m just getting up to speed on a lot of posts from the past few months, and ... I’m seeing so much more now,” he says with little expression. “I didn’t realize the scale...the level of vitriol.” He shakes his head with an awful sense of understanding. “The absolute expanse of it. It’s too much. It’s really just too much.”
