“I’m going on and on about my family and childhood outings and stuff, and...” He shakes his head. “I’m really sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize at all. It’s not like I don’t know that people can grow up with nice families.”
“It was still dumb of me.”
“Hey.” I move to stand in front of him and get him to look at me. “I’m glad you had all that. Really. And I like hearing about it. Don’t... look, Esben, you have to tell me about good stuff like this. If you don’t, then it would mean you pity me or you’re protecting me, and I don’t want that. I don’t need protection fromyourpast. I need protection from mine.”
He thinks on this. “Fair enough.”
“Stop looking like you just ran over my dog.” I grab his arm and pull him ahead. “So, let’s go pick apples. And if you’ve inherited carving skills from your mother, then we may need a few pumpkins.”
“I make some fierce triangle eyes...”
I laugh. “Good enough.”
We begin walking. It’s quite beautiful here, the rows and rows of trees spotted with red and green apples, the light smattering between leaves, and the smell of autumn rich in the air. I’ve never been apple picking before, and Esben seems to find how much fun I’m having amusing. We work our way up and down rows, and he soon stops picking any himself and just watches me as I peer through branches to find perfect apples.
“You’re very selective,” he notices. “Especially for a first timer.”
“Maybe that’swhyI’m selective. I want to do this right. What if we come home with wormy, bruised apples? You’ll thank me later.” I’m eyeing a really big apple that I’m dying to get, but it’s out of reach. “Can you get that one?”
“How about I help you get it?” He squats down a little. “Hop on. We’ll piggyback you up to it.”
If Esben wants me to plaster my body against his, I’m not about to refuse. As he stands, I tighten my legs around him and raise my hand. I’m at the perfect height, and I pluck the apple from the tree.
He starts to lower me, and I clutch on, stopping him. “Esben?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to tell you something, but I don’t want you to get all weird and feel bad for me.”
“Gotcha.”
“This is my first piggyback ride.”
He hikes me up higher, secures my legs in his arms, and starts walking. “Then I won’t put you down yet.”
We leave our apple bag under the tree, and for a while, Esben walks me through the orchard. I rest my head on my arm and watch the trees go by; then I pull my fingers through his loose curls and see how the rays of sun pick up colors and highlights that I haven’t noticed before. I am more relaxed and at peace in this moment than I could have imagined.
“You must be getting tired.” I lean around a little. “Thank you.”
“Anytime. You ready for pumpkins?”
“Absolutely.”
“If you tell me you’ve never carved a pumpkin...”
I slide down his body. “Technically, no.” I’m not sure why I find this funny, but I do, even though Esben clearly does not. This poor guy has no idea how many firsts I have never achieved.
He throws up his hands. “What? I’m going to make it my mission for you to do all the stuff you haven’t. And why are you laughing?”
“I don’t know! Maybe because you’re so outraged over this. It’s cute. I’ve helped scoop out the disgusting pumpkin guts. Does that count?”
“Nooooo! It does not count. Simon doesn’t allow pumpkins at his house?”
“I’m not really...into holidays much. They were always a mixed bag growing up. Even when they were fun, that fun never lasted. I’d have, you know, a great Halloween, and then be out of that house before Thanksgiving. I kind of learned not to get invested. I’m sure Simon would like it if I were a huge Christmas fan or whatever, but...I don’t know.” Esben’s face makes me laugh again. “It’s not a big deal!”
“Come on. We’re buying you a pumpkin. Or twenty.”
