“And how was it?” I ask with a laugh. “Details, please, my dear.”
“More important than my sexual prowess, though, is what happened with you?”
I stumble in my place a bit, fatigue taking over. I’m not sure how much longer I can stand. I’m crashing hard in more ways than one. “I just want to go to bed. So sorry. Can we just go to bed?”
She comes over and holds my face in her hands while she examines me. “You look wiped. Yes. And you’ll tell me everything tomorrow. But it was okay?” she asks gently.
I nod. “Yeah. It was okay.” A yawn overtakes me, and I feel crazy needy and helpless all of a sudden. “Will you sleep with me like we used to?”
“Of course.”
When Steffi and I lived together, we shared a room, and I used to crawl into her bed. It made me feel safer, less alone. I need that now.
She is part sister, part best friend, part mother, and tonight, when we crawl into bed together, she lets me snuggle into the crook of her arm, as she has done so many nights before.
Steffi smooths out my hair as I begin to drift off. “I’m glad it was okay,” she says quietly. “That’s a good start.”
CHAPTER 11
BRAVERY
We both sleep until after noon, and I’m disoriented when I wake. This is the latest I’ve slept in ages, and I’m surprisingly not very hungover. Even more surprisingly, I seem to have gotten the best sleep I’ve had in ages, and I feel deeply rested. My brain is a scrambled mess from last night, but I’m rested.
Steffi and I spend the day in our pajamas, and while she paints my toenails deep burgundy, I hear details of her evening with plaid-shirt boy that both make me blush and make me happy for her. I ask to hear about her classes and her cramped studio apartment that she loves and about the taco truck that parks on her street every Tuesday, and she answers all of my questions. I give her a lot of credit for giving me space today, because not once does she ask about Esben.
When the sky begins to darken, I am finally ready. Casually, I say, “So, it turns out that Esben is not a terrible person.”
“Oh?” Steff is rooting through my closet and trying hard not to frown at my unfashionable clothing.
“I watched the video.”
“Did you?” She takes a red top off the hanger and holds it against her torso and assesses herself in the mirror. “This is actually cute.”
I laugh. “You can stop pretending that you don’t want to know what happened with Esben.”
She flings the top at me playfully. “Well, thank God!” Steff jumps on the bed and crashes down to a sitting position. “Tell me. Tell me!”
So, I do. Every detail that I can remember, although I do leave out the part when I set my hand on his face. And the part when he put his hand on mine...I don’t want her to get the wrong idea.
Steffi leans back against the headboard and hugs a pillow while she listens. “So, he’s really not a monster. Who knew?”
I roll my eyes. “Youknew!”
“Fine, yes. But you had to see with your own eyes.” She looks at me directly. “Allison? He’s as perfect as they come. He is.”
I don’t know what to say to this.
“Look, I doubt people as much as you do, but Esben is not like most people. Even I can see that.”
I nod.
“You don’t need to keep pushing him away. He’s not a threat.”
“Maybe.”
“Might be nice for you to have a friend.”
“I have you.”
