“I hear you, Sam. He’s a part of your life. He’s a part ofyou.”
“Yep. It’s not always easy, as you might have noticed.”
I laugh. “I did notice. Can I ask another question?”
“Anything.”
“Death tripping has caused you a lot of problems even though some of it…has felt good.”
He nods.
“Can you die? I mean, for real? Like, not in a death-tripping way?”
There’s a long silence before he answers, “I don’t know. I have no idea. It’s a strange feeling, not understanding my own mortality. I’m aging though, so time goes on, but…I don’t know, Stell.”
I can tell this is a particularly uncomfortable topic for him, so I try to find something positive. “I know you say that it gives you a rush, but is there anything about it that’s just…I don’t know…fun?” I shrug. “Something harmless and not so violent?”
Sam quickly eats another pancake. He wasn’t kidding about death tripping making him hungry. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“What is?”
He takes another pancake from the pile on the plate and crams it into his mouth. Then, he helps me down from the counter. I follow him out to the porch that overlooks the ocean.
Sam points down to his garden. “See that?”
“I think it’s sweet that you have a green thumb.”
“Don’t you think it’s odd that I made a series of the same-sized circular plots and that only the flowers are watered?”
“Actually, I did notice that.”
He rests his hands on the balcony and stares at the garden. “I can make it rain in circles.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep, a three-foot diameter. I actually measured. Every time I surface, I come back with a…power, an above-ground skill. Whatever. Each time I trip, I lose it and get a new one with each surface. The rain power was the last one that I surfaced with, and the only thing I could think to do with it was to water circular plots.” He looks at me and smirks. “I know. It’s not very alpha male of me.”
“I find it kind of hot. Artistic talent and such.” I actually make him blush slightly. “Wait. Does this mean that you have another power now?”
“Oh. I guess so.”
Sam starts down to the dock. It seems to be where he goes for comfort, peace. I follow and slip my hand into his as we step over downed branches.
“I’ve never found the powers to be very interesting. It’s always something pretty lame and useless. One time, I could move small objects a foot or so. Like I said, stupid stuff.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid. So, what can you do now? How do you figure it out?”
“Usually by accident. Or it sort of comes to me in passing.”
“I look forward to seeing what it is.” I nudge his side with my elbow. “Maybe you can water triangular gardens this time.”
“Very funny.”
We sit quietly on the end of the dock. I have a hundred questions that demand answers, but I also can’t bear to ask them right now. I instinctively want to withdraw, but I don’t.
The sound of the waves is hypnotic, and I am now overwhelmed with exhaustion, both emotional and physical. I fall against Sam, and together, we lie down, the worn wood beneath us somehow softer than it should feel. He entwines his body with mine, and we continue comforting and stabilizing each other.
Sam says sleepily, “I can’t stand burdening you with this, but it’s a relief that you know.”
