SAM WAS INSISTENTthat we wait until the next day to trip in search of Toby. All of us were too nervous and heightened in every way, and there was no way that would be conducive to a strategic search. He also felt that a night trip was smartest. Toby would be asleep and easier to find.
Sam tripped yesterday, and he got the vision power back like it was nothing. All that work to get it the first time…
He’s been overly attentive and protective with me today, and I’ve had to repeatedly reassure him that I’ll be okay tripping. I won’t pass out again.
It actually feels quite likely that I will, but I don’t want him to know that.
The four of us stand side by side, holding hands on the pebbly lakeshore. It’s a clear night, and the moon is throwing white light that ripples across in the water.
“Are we ready?” Sam asks.
“Yes,” Amy and I say immediately.
“Costa?” Sam shakes his friend’s hand. “You good?”
“Yeah. But there’s one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Stella is going to need help tripping,” he says.
“Shit,” Sam mutters.
“What do you mean? Can’t you just, you know…” I mime a gun to my head and then a knife across my throat. I know that we’re swimming out to where Toby fell through the ice, but I didn’t think about the actual dying part, which seems rather inconsequential in the scheme of what we’re doing. “One of those. Why can’t we do that?”
“We should trip the way Toby died.” Sam takes a deep breath. “Drowning.”
I don’t like the sound of this, but I try to stay relaxed. “Okay.”
Costa lets go of Amy’s and Sam’s hands and stands in front of me. “The rest of us have tripped enough that we’ll be able to drown ourselves. Your instinct will be to fight it, to live.”
“So, you’ll do it, CJ. You’ll drown me then.” We can repeat what we had before. This should be simple.
He stares at me for a minute. “I can’t do it.”
“Why?”
He raises an eyebrow, and a bit of a smile peeks through his lips.
“Oh.” I can’t look at Sam right now. What happens when Costa trips me doesn’t exactly set the right mood to go into this trip. Now that we have a better handle on what we’re doing, tripping while overloaded with sexual energy doesn’t seem appropriate. “Sure. Amy then?”
“You’ll fight hard. Amy isn’t strong enough,” Costa explains.
Shit. It’s no wonder Sam has been sticking particularly close to me today.
I squeeze his hand. “It’s okay, Sam.”
He doesn’t say anything, but I know how much he doesn’t want to do this.
“You’re not really killing me,” I say. “It’s all right.”
“It’s not going to be like the other times,” Sam says quietly. “You’ll feel it at first. Drowning…it takes longer for the sensation of death to kick in.”
I squeeze his hand. “I understand. This is still my choice.”
“Sam…” Costa’s eyes are full of apology. “You know I can’t do it, or I would.”
“Why? Why can’t Costa do it?” Amy is at a loss.
