After failing to find Toby the other day, I can only imagine how fragile Costa is right now. The possibility that Toby really is accessible feels like more than he can stand to hope for.
Sam puts his hands through his hair. He’s as daunted and surprised by this idea as anyone. “I don’t know…I mean…yes, yes, it’s possible. In our world, anything is. Amy’s been with him.”
“Of course I’ve been with him!” She flashes anger. She’s still edgy with Sam and me. “You believe me, don’t you? I wouldn’t make this up. Costa, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Sam speaks evenly, “I didn’t suggest that you made anything up. You need to relax and give us a moment here.”
Costa is pacing back and forth, agitated and daring to believe this. “But where did he go? Why did he leave her? Why…why was he with her in the first place?” He turns to Amy. “Whywas he with you?”
“I don’t know. I have no idea. He’s the only other person I’ve seen while tripping.”
Something is tugging at my brain, and I run through what I know. All of death tripping seems to have meaning. It’s based on emotions. That would be true for Toby also.
“Sam…”
Everyone is talking now, animated, and trying to piece together this story.
“Sam!”
“What? What is it?”
“You said it the other day…” The idea is pulling together for me.
He shakes his head. “Said what?”
“Home,” I say, smiling. “Home is a beacon. You can always find your way home when you’re under even if you’re otherwise lost.”
His face lights up. “Yes. Home.” He looks at Costa. “Toby drifted from here to Chicago because that’s where you were tripped. It’s a birthplace, a home of sorts, for you. And Amy is part of you because of your first trip, so she is a home also. After you died, Costa, you left the state. Toby wouldn’t have been able to seek you out because…” Sam struggles to figure this out. “Because his father wasn’t home. Eventually, he tried another home associated with his dad. That was where Amy was. It’s not just a location, but Amy must…smell of Costa in some way. They’ve got the same…trip residue.”
“So, where is he now?” Amy asks. “Why did he leave me?”
“Because Costa’s been tripping in Maine again and trying to find him. Toby must sense that. He was pulled between Chicago and Maine, between you and Costa. He’s trying to find you, Costa. He’s trying to find his dad.”
I’m nearly bursting now. “Do you see? With you and Amy here, you’ll be the brightest beacon for him. We can find him.”
Costa’s eyes go to Sam, his best friend and someone he depends on and trusts more than anyone in the world. “Sammy?”
“We can find him,” Sam says with conviction. “We can. I can get vision again. I’m sure.”
Amy nods. “Good. You’ll need it. Toby can be a little skittish, and he’s fast.”
My spirits are lifting quickly. “So, if the four of us trip together, we’ll have the best chance. I trip so that Sam has stronger vision, and you and Costa will be there to draw Toby out, right?”
“Exactly.” Amy is breathless. “Costa, you can surface him, right?”
We all grow silent, but Costa finally answers her, “Sam has to surface him.”
“Oh. Okay.” At least she has enough tact not to say anything else.
Costa obviously hasn’t detailed Toby’s death as much as I thought, and I feel for Sam. He looks horribly uncomfortable in what is otherwise a moment charged with positivity. He starts to say something, but he stops himself.
Amy continues, “Anyway, like I said, Toby can be skittish, sensitive. He was always more likely to come to me easily if I’d tripped in a…I don’t know…in the right mood. Calmly. Like, right now? Right now, we’re all too fired up. It’d freak him out. We have to be slow and steady about this trip.”
Sam agrees, “She’s got a good point. That plays into the emotion of death tripping. We have to bring the right energy. And there’s another thing—the beacon. The idea of location is important.” His hesitation is obvious. “We need to go into the lake, to the exact spot.”
Immediately, Costa nods. “Smart. Kids are literal. Their thinking is primitive, especially for a kid as little as Toby. That’s the last place he was in Maine. He’ll be willing to come here. There’s trust.”
I can see how he is fighting to remain logical, but his hope and anticipation are bubbling barely below the surface.
