“See?” Chris says. “That’s one reason to think that you’re not in love. At least, you’re not romantically in love with each other. What I do think though is that you guys kind of are in love as friends. And that is a beautiful thing. The kind of love you two have for each other is very strong and very rare. But it’s beautiful, right? It’s only because your feelings are so strong that you think it must be more, that it must be turning into a romance.
“Sabin, you give Blythe so many things that she needs. I am not her entire life, nor should I be. She needs you. You’re fun and free and wild in ways I will never be. It’s not who I am. But I also should have let you know ages ago that you don’t always have to be the upbeat, endlessly entertaining guy. You get to have bad days, to be unhappy, or to feel whatever you want to.” Chris sighs. “I don’t think I’ve ever let you feel that’s allowed. I want so much for you to be happy that maybe I’ve been blinding myself to the fact that you’re not sometimes. And that, sometimes, it’s really bad.”
He looks so forlorn and apologetic, but then he rubs his hands on his jeans and tries to brighten. “But back to the good news. You and Blythe? You give her an amazing relationship, and I want that for her. Do you hear me, Sabe? You get to love her. That doesn’t upset me at all.”
“Okay.” He doesn’t sound convinced.
Chris laughs. “Sabin, I’m serious.” He waits until Sabin begrudgingly faces him. “I’ll say it again. I amnotupset. Do you see that? Do you believe me? I love the friendship you two have. It’s tremendously unique and special. I’m not threatened by it. I’m not jealous. I don’t see anything between you guys that scares me or makes me worry that I’m losing Blythe. I’m on board. Understand?”
He looks to me. “And, Blythe? Remember what I told you the other week? You get to have us both.”
I release a deep breath. “I get to have you both,” I repeat this sentence because it’s the happiest thing I’ve been able to say in days.
This realization brings me such peace. Chris has broken this down in a way that gives me a distinct reprieve from my anxiety, and he’s also made it okay for me feel the joy of what I have with Sabin. Chris is right. Sabin and I are in love. I can see that now. It’s not in the way one usually thinks of being in love. And I’m also aware that there is a degree of understanding and generosity in Chris’s ability to allow and even celebrate this. How his heart can be so open after what he has survived astounds me.
Chris winks at me. “So, go hug your other boyfriend.”
Sabin reaches over and playfully shoves Chris, but his face shows the same lightness I’m sure mine does now. I get up and walk to Sabin, accepting the tears streaming down my face. I throw my arms around his neck and tightly hold him as my tension and worry continue to drain from me.
I get them both. I get them both.
Sabin’s hug brings me such faith that we will all be stronger because of this trip. His touch feels right. His energy and love feel right. In this hug, I have pure and uncomplicated happiness. And that’s what my friendship with him is. We got way off track for a while, but because of Chris, we are repaired, and we can embrace our closeness.
Sabin kisses the top of my head. “I feel like I keep saying this, but I’m sorry—for everything I put you through, for confusing you, and for dragging you down with me last night. I did some awful shit. I said some awful shit—”
“Stop, Sabin. Stop. I think we had to go through that. There was a reason.”
“What I did with the fire…that was vicious. It’s unforgivable.”
“It is forgivable. And I forgive you. That’s what friends do for each other. We make exceptions for crazy circumstances. It’s very simple.”
Sabin squeezes me, and I turn my head to catch Chris’s eye. He is truly happy right now, and that means an infinite amount.
Slowly, I separate myself from Sabin. “Your arm?” I ask tentatively. “It’s okay?”
“You shouldn’t have had to see that. But I’m okay,” he says confidently. “I’m okay. Before you bring it up, yes, I’ll go see a shrink.” He rolls his eyes. “God, it’s so cliché.”
“It’s a cliché that’s going to help. I will be here, and Chris will be here…for whatever you need.”
“Okay, Lady Countess Royal Highness Blythe McGuire.”
“Good.” I tousle his hair.
We drop down to the couch, and I’m sitting between them.
“So,” Chris starts, “there’s one more thing. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you two this, but…Sabin, you seem to get a little touchy about the fact that Blythe and I have a history—from before Matthews. The idea of a…destined tie between us or whatever.” He looks embarrassed, voicing this out loud to his brother, which I do understand. “It’s important to me that Blythe and I are together because we choose to be, not because we have to. We are about more than that history. We are about the present. But that day, when she was on the dock…” He begins to stumble a bit. “That day is a part of us. Do you think that you’re not entitled to feel so strongly about her because you don’t have that with her?”
Sabin looks uncomfortable. “You guys have an…an almost unexplainable connection. I know that. It’s…fine. Really. It’s your thing together. I shouldn’t have said anything because I’m not a part of that. And I shouldn’t be.”
“The fact is though, you are a part of that.” Chris takes my phone from the table. “You have that past with her, too. The three of us have that together.”
He pulls up the video I played nonstop last night, and I am totally confused.
“Watch. Sabin, watch this closely.” Chris puts my phone in Sabin’s hand.
“Chris, what are you doing?” I don’t want to relive this pain again. “Please don’t.”
“Just wait.” He takes my hand. “Just wait.”
