Candice wanted to ask her husband why he’d felt the need to come out so publicly with his affair from the pages of his “autofiction,” but she decided it didn’t matter now. She could imagine a few months from now, whenThe New Yorkerwould publish a piece about their impending divorce, about how clear it had been to everyone that Nathan was having a fiery affair. All Candice could do was ignore all that press, she guessed. Or maybe she could ride the press wave and get her own book published?
No, she resolved then. She would not write about Nathan, their marriage, or their children. It was Nathan’s deal to write about real people and subsequently ruin their lives. The only people Candice was interested in writing about were her mother and her mysterious aunt. She wanted to dig deeper into the past, if only to save herself from the future.
Candice thanked her husband for his honesty. “It’s been a long time coming,” she said.
Nathan groaned and rubbed his forehead. “Is there any way we can fix this? Beth and Reggie went to a great marriage counselor last year. Maybe we could…”
Candice shook her head slowly. “I don’t want to fix it.”
“You want to give it all up?” Nathan asked. There was a childlike tenderness to his voice. “Our entire story? Our entire life? Because I don’t want that, Candice. We have a beautiful world, one that we started building when we were in our twenties. To throw that all away now would be…”
“A waste?” Candice finished. Her heart felt cold. She wondered if she would regret this. But the truth was, she could not imagine living with Nathan after this betrayal. She could not see a way through this. Maybe that was her fault. Perhaps it was how things had to be.
Nathan saw that there was no arguing with her on this. “We can keep talking,” he said, standing up. “I love you, Candice.”
Candice couldn’t bring herself to respond. She listened as Nathan walked from the table and went into the house, where he’d surely perform all the duties required before bed. Maybe he’d tuck himself beneath the sheets and wait to hear her footsteps in the dark. But Candice wouldn’t come to their bed tonight. She knew she’d spend as long as she could in her mother’s study, digging deeper into a story that she couldn’t fully understand yet. Maybe, when and if she got tired, she could stretch out on the sofa in the study. She could fall asleep listening to her mother’s old songs.
17
Although Candice and Nathan hadn’t yet told Sarah and Peter about their breakup, there was a strange air over the breakfast table the following morning, as though the kids had figured it out on their own. Both Sarah and Peter decided to return to the city with their father, Peter to attend another sports camp, and Sarah to do a little film project before she started college in September. Candice sat on the bed of her daughter’s room and watched her pack her things, trying and failing to find the right words to explain why Candice herself needed to stay on the Vineyard for now.
“I’ll come back to the city as soon as I can,” Candice said.
Sarah paused halfway through zipping her suitcase and gazed up at her mother. “You seem happy here,” she said gently, as though she were speaking to someone younger than her. “I haven’t seen you this happy in a while. I mean, were you happier here before Dad came? I don’t know.”
Candice raised her eyebrows in surprise. Kids really did notice everything. But usually, those same kids didn’t have the bravery to say what they thought aloud.
“Honey,” Candice offered, her voice shaking, “the past eighteen years of raising you have been the most wonderful of my life. Thank you. For all of it.” She got up and scooped her daughter into a hug. Sarah shook a little, but soon calmed down. “You’re going to be so brilliant at NYU. They’re lucky to have you.”
“I’ll see you around campus, I guess?” Sarah said, stepping back and crossing her arms.
Candice struggled to imagine herself back on campus next semester. She struggled to see herself in her old life at all. She smiled and said, “Probably.” But she knew that wasn’t so.
Candice, Lindsey, and Henry stood on the front porch of the Harbor House with their hands raised, waving as Nathan drove the kids away. Peter and Sarah kept waving till they were completely out of sight. But Nathan kept his eyes straight ahead, as though wanting to shove the Harbor House as deeply back into his memories as he could.
When Henry turned to head back inside, Candice burst into laughter. Henry and Lindsey gaped at her.
“What’s going on?” Lindsey asked.
Candice pressed both hands over her mouth. She couldn’t believe it. “It’s over,” she said. “We’re going to get divorced.” A rush of euphoria came through her.
Lindsey’s jaw dropped. Henry pulled his fingers through his hair, then smiled.
“The guy’s a freak, Candice,” he said, throwing the door open.
Lindsey threw her arms around Candice, cradling her. “He’s the worst,” she agreed. “Was it because of that book he wrote?Human Agenda?”
“Honestly? No,” Candice said. “Although the book did make me realize that he could be honest with absolutely everyone else but me.”
All that morning over coffee and croissants and tea and mimosas, Candice explained the story of her marriage to her siblings. She explained that their mother had never liked him, that she’d warned Candice not to marry him. “But I didn’t listen,” Candice said, laughing.
“Who listens to their mother?” Lindsey asked. “It’s biologically incorrect.”
Candice and Henry cackled. Henry raised his glass and made a toast to the future. “We’re all single!” he cried. “I wonder what Mom would say about that?”
Candice shook her head. “There’s still so much we don’t know about her.” But she reasoned that now that she’d cleaned up the mess of her marriage (and thrown it away), she could focus better on her mother’s past. She knew where she needed to start.
“I know what I want to do today,” she announced.
