I need to make myself smaller so the bad things can’t find me, can’t hurt me.
My head is pounding almost as loudly as my heart, the pain of the sobs ricocheting up my throat and into my temples.
Gray whines softly as she settles next to me, opening her arms. She’s so close I can feel the warmth of her even if she’s not touching me, but it’s something I’m grateful for. I want her touch, crave it so badly it’s another ache in my sobbing body, but she’s letting me choose whether I’m ready for her touch or not.
Fresh tears well so quickly I choke.
I want to be touched but moving feels like an insurmountable obstacle at the moment. Instead, I just sort of let myself tip over to the side. Gray grunts softly as I hit her arms and I’m almost offended, but it’s only a matter of seconds before she has me bundled into her lap, her muzzle buried in my throat as she snuggles me close.
There’s nothing sexual about it, only comfort, and I bask in the warmth and safety I feel in her arms. Nothing could ever hurtme here, and it’s easier to push thoughts of my burnt childhood home from my mind when I curl into her chest, her heartbeat pounding in my ear softly, lulling me back into the security she provides.
One thing is clear, if nothing else; this is the closest I’ve ever had, or will have, to safety.
To a home. To someone who loves me and will never leave me. This is love.
And I won’t let anyone threaten that.
CHAPTER 20
Gray
My mate’slife is in shambles, and it is my fault.
I should never have agreed to go back.
I should have kept her safe here in our home.
Even holding her in my arms, the scent of her burning cottage sits heavy in my nostrils and the back of my throat. The last remnants of her life before me, or at least before she knew I was anything other than an overly friendly wolf, have gone up in flames.
Some perverse, dark part of my mind believes I should be happy. With nothing of her old life left to go back to, she will not want to leave me; there is nothing out there for her, only danger and pain.
Here, with me, she has everything she could want. Food, shelter, safety…love.
She has no reason to leave me now.
I ignore that voice, pushing it down and beating it with a stick.Hard!
I love Maris, not just the idea of a mate, but the woman herself. Kind, intelligent, beautiful. I love her, and I don’t wanther to stay with me because she has nothing else. I want her to stay because she chooses to. Because she loves me too, and wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
It’s a hard thing to ask, and an even harder thing to be sure of. My speech has been getting better of late along with other small changes that give me hope the curse might finally be changing me for the better. But even so, I still don’t have the words to ask if she loves me or if she’s just hanging around until she gets a better offer.
All I can do is hold her close and try to comfort her when she weeps and hope for the best. When she’s finally finished with her tears, she reaches up to pull me down for a kiss.
And for the first time, I turn away.
I want her kiss, always, but not this time. Not when she’s hurting like this. She’s using me as a distraction, which I don’t mind. What I do mind is her thinking she owes me something for the comfort. I’m not holding her for that; I would do the same even if she never touched me again.
I hold her wrists gently and shake my head.
“Not what I want,” I tell her gently. “Not all. Just want to be here for you.”
I loosen my grip on her wrists, letting them rest against my chest instead.
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, and new shining tears well in her eyes. I whine softly and lower my head to brace my forehead against hers. Her fingers tangle in my fur.
She hiccups, gulping back her tears. “I already told you I’m in love with you. But I’m saying it again.”
My tail wags and I nuzzle her deeper into my chest, my heart bursting. Yes, she’d told me that she loved me, but I will drink in the words every time she deigns to share them with me, and be grateful for them.
