The bed creaks beneath me as I reach forward and gently pull down the first golden petal, careful not to break it. It doesn’t take much, and the mechanism gives. The rest follow in sequence. One by one, the petals unfold like a lotus flower blooming and when the last one slips into place with a soft click, the central stem flickers to life and a small, bright flame appears.
It’s… beautiful. Mesmerising. I can’t help staring at it as the glow from the flame catches on the metal and reflects back in soft, shifting gold.
I don’t know what to say, or where to start, but my hand moves anyway, and when I’m done, I lean forward and feed the paper into the fire, watching it catch and burn.
Just tell me something true.
— L
CHAPTER ELEVEN
At first it was just a simple role—follow Merrin’s orders, get close to Serrane and do what was needed.
I thought I could carry it, that as long as I understood why it had to be done, the means would justify the ends... Take a few lives to save thousands.
The first time I had to do it, it was just me. I was about seventeen, and he couldn't have been much older. Serrane was testing me, testing my loyalty, and I stepped up without hesitation.
I’d taken lives before, brutes who deserved it. Those ones are easy. But taking an innocent life… it’s different.
It doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t leave you the same.
He didn’t drop straight away—that’s the part no one tells you. They don’t simply fall. They stay, they look at you, and you have to stand there and watch it happen. And I saw it. I felt it. Every second dragging out. The way his body fought, the way he wouldn’t go.
And his eyes. The fear in them.
The fear of death, the fear of me...
And as I stood there, watching him take his last breath, something in me broke.
When it came time to do it again, I knew I wouldn’t survive it twice.
Cal was already there, pushing at the edges of my mind. We had only just merged, but I could feel how easily he could take the burden from me if I let him.
So I did—I let go, just enough for him to take control and make the kill instead.
I told myself that if it was him acting through me, then it wasn’t really my guilt to carry, that it was better this way. And it worked.
Or at least, it made it possible to keep going.
Even inside the Veils, inside the Citadel, if I dropped my guard enough he could find a way through. I think, because his Threads are merged with mine, the Veils don’t affect him like they do with JC.
But each time I did, it got easier to step back. Easier to let go and give Cal the power.
I don’t like letting him in. I know what it’s doing—how much ground it gives him. How, over time, the line between where I end and where he begins becomes harder to see.
But the alternative is feeling all of it again.
And I already know I can’t.
— T
Smoke.
Again.
Before I’m even fully awake, my hand is already slapping at the ends of my hair.
“Seriously?!”Blinking, I crush the tiny flame between my fingers and glare down at Ahria, who only puffs up her chest before darting toward the early light peeking through the tent flap.
