A woman in the row below them twisted around to look back.
Jem waved.
“I’m having an anxiety attack,” Tean said.The words were clinical, like he was documenting an animal.Jem wanted to say an owl.“I’m having a massive anxiety attack right now.”
Jem waited a beat, and then he realized Tean wasn’t joking.“Oh shit.Okay.We can get out of here—”
Tean shook his head.He closed his eyes and breathed for a few moments.Jem didn’t know what else to do, so he went back to rubbing Tean’s back.
The buzzer was still going off.
The boy doing cartwheels fumbled, fell, and sprang back up again.
More cheers.
A coach was blowing his whistle like it was time to get out of the pool.
When Tean opened his eyes again, they were wet.He blinked to clear them.“Okay,” he said.“Sorry about that.”
Jem shook his head.“Do you want to go?”
“No.”Tean drew a breath.“It’s a lot, that’s all.Daniel.”He stopped.“Iknowit’s different for him.The world is different.His situation is different.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you don’t remember how shitty it was for you.”
“Very shitty,” Tean said.And then, so quietly Jem almost couldn’t hear him under the noise, “Very scary.”
Jem nodded.
“I just don’t want—” Tean started to say.And then he smiled and looked down at the sandwich he was still holding as though he’d only just seen it.“I was going to say I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.”
When more didn’t come, Jem said, “Things are different, for sure.But you’ve also got to remember that Daniel is different.Like, when you were a teenager, how many beetles did you have in your beetle collection?”
Tean blinked.“Zero.”
“But you had, like, one of those cases with a million different little boxes, and you labeled each box, and you could put a beetle in each one.”
“No.Why do you think I collected beetles?”
“It’s better than spiders.You didn’t collect spiders, did you?”
“I didn’t collect anything.”
“Not even coins?Oh shit, what about stamps?”
“Okay, yes, you’re right.I was a very different child from Daniel.I was still closeted, obviously.I wasmuchquieter.”
“I bet you loved you some rules.”
Tean laughed.He played with the sandwich’s waxed paper.“I did love rules.”And with a pointed look for Jem, he added, “Rules are important.”
“Hey, I know!”
In a different voice, Tean said, “I didn’t want anyone to notice me.Which, I suppose, is why it’s so scary when I see Daniel being—being so outrageous.That sounds judgmental, though.Being so brave.”
Jem nodded.
“So, I guess I’m going to have to work on that,” Tean said glumly.“Add it to the list.”
