He lets out a flustered chuckle. “You really wanna know?”
“Yeah.” I lean back when I realize how invasive I’m being. “Unless this is making you uncomfortable. Is this weird? We tell each other everything, so I just thought it would be okay to ask you. But sorry, maybe it’s not okay.”
He shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.” His smile turns more relaxed, but his cheeks are a little red. “I didn’t do anythingamazing. No flowers, sorry to say. I just tried my best to make them feel comfortable. I went slow. I made sure we had plenty of lube. And I checked in with them often. I asked what felt good, if they wanted a different position.”
“Wow. That’s really wonderful.”
He runs a hand through his thick hair. “It’s not. It’s the bare minimum. I probably should have done more. Like, now that you mention it, getting a hotel room would have been a good idea. That would have been a lot more romantic than a dorm room.”
I shake my head. “No, what you did matters more. The setting doesn’t matter as much as the guy you’re with. All any girl wants to feel during her first time is safe and desired. It sounds like you went out of your way to do that.”
His smile is shy. “I tried to.”
We’re quiet for a moment as we look at each other. I fiddle with my spoon. “Honestly, that sounds like my dream first time.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’m relieved I’m not with Logan anymore. But honestly, when I think about someday losing my virginity, I get anxious. And really nervous.”
“How come?”
“I just feel like I’ll be insanely awkward. I won’t know how to do anything, and I’ll just be too in my head. I’ll be thinking about how I look, if what I’m doing is cute or sexy or weird. I’ll be worried that I’m too noisy or too quiet.” My cheeks flush as I look up at Blake. “Part of me is scared too that something will happen to remind me of Logan trying to force himself onto me, and I’ll freak out and scare the guy away.”
I exhale, my shoulders sinking. Just thinking about it stresses me out.
“If I could be with someone who I was one hundred percent comfortable with…a guy who knew me well and could talk me through it…who’s sweet and kind and…”
I trail off as the wildest idea pops into my brain.
I look at Blake and swallow.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod, nerves firing off inside of me at what I’m thinking about asking Blake.
I can’t though. It’s too crazy.
But maybe it’s not…maybe it’s the perfect solution to my problem.
“I want to ask you something, Blake.”
“You can ask me anything.”
I swallow hard and blurt it out before I lose my nerve. “Will you teach me how to have sex?”
Chapter 16
Blake
My jaw drops. What the hell?
No way did she just ask me that. I must have heard her wrong.
“Sorry, what?”
“Will you teach me to have sex?” she asks again.
I blink at her, my brow at my hairline. Okay, well. I guess I heard her right the first time.
