He shakes his head. “Where are you going?”
“There’s a case of beer in my fridge with my name on it.”
“Oh.”
Goddamnit. “Why?”
“I just thought… Um… You might come for a drink?”
I smirk at him the same way he does to me. “Are you asking me out?”
“Piss off,” he bites back, all defensive.
“I can’t tell with you kid. Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it feels like you might be secretly obsessed with me.”
“Forget it,” he huffs and starts walking away.
“Look," I say, and he turns back. “I don’t drink when I’m driving.”
“It’s only one beer.”
I know it’s something people say. I know that for some, it really is only everone beer.And I know that Carey means no harm, but that doesn’t stop my rage from boiling. “If there’s keys around, and a journey between a person and their bed, anyone who has evenonedrink, is a fucking asshole.”
In the light of the setting sun I can see the shift in his expression. It’s the exact way he looked right before leaving with his slippers in hand. “I’m sorry,” he almost stutters out, like he’s scared I’ll snap completely if he doesn’t apologize.
“There’s nothing to apologize for.” I turn away to my van’s front door. “Do you want a ride?”
“I—no. It’s fine.”
I climb into the driver's seat. “Get in the fucking van, Carey.”
I shut the door and turn on the engine so the heater can start.
He climbs in, positioning his skateboard sideways between the floor and his spread knees.
“I just…” he starts when we're half way to his brother’s apartment. “I didn’t want to spend another night alone.”
His words feel like a punch inmychest. It’s a feeling I know so well I sometimes can’t distinguish who I am separate from the loneliness. But it’s by design. I’m not looking for more friends. Everything is just compounded right now, and… I need him at work. I need his energy and sunshine, but only there.
“It must be hard when you’ve lived like you have for the past few years.”
He sighs. “Yeah. For so long I never had to think about what I was gonna do next because there were always a hundred people around me. I surfed every day. Partied nearly every night.”
“So why did you leave?”
“It was a lot. And… I might go back. I just wanted to be normal for a while, I guess. With family who might check up on me and ask where I’ve been if I was out all night.”
I scoff. “And you thought you’d get that from Eden?”
“You know what he went through with my parents… They never hit us, or like, hurt us, or anything. But you can be neglected with a full stomach in a nice house.”
It’s statements like that that make me question which is worse. Too much expectation, or none at all.
“Shit really hit the fan all at once, didn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Carey gives a dry chuckle. “Maybe the universe sent me here on purpose to help out knowing that Shawn was cheating and Eden would do a runner.”
“I mean, I’m thankful for the help. But the universe is pretty fucked, if that’s the case.”
