"I haven't seen him, Omma," I tell her in English. "Haven't heard from him either."
"We've called all his friends. His dorm mate told me he stopped going to classes a month ago."
"Fuck," I curse under my breath. The pressure clearly got to him, too. But he only made it six months into college, at least I made it three years into med school before switching gears. "I don't know anyone you don't."
"Your abeoji wants to call the police—"
"But you don't want the neighbors to see them at the house." I cut her off, and she huffs into the receiver, proving me right. "Have you driven around?"
"Your abeoji's been out for the past few hours… Wootek-ie, I don't know what to do."
And she thinks I do?
She's the parent.
She's the one who left him with no other option than to disappear off the face of the earth instead of facing her wrath. If I could have my time all over again I'd have fled too.
"I'm sure he's fine. Just give him a few days and I'm sure he'll come home."
"And what if he doesn't?"
"Then you'll have to call the police."
My mother wails on the other end of the phone and starts babbling in Korean again.
"Look, Omma, just try to breathe, okay? I'll… I'll make a few calls. See what I can do."
I end the call without waiting for a response. She'd stopped listening anyway. She was too worked up, too lost in herown fear. Though I can't say for certain if it's for my brother's wellbeing or stress over what the people of her gated neighborhood will say.
I stare out through the windshield at the graffitied roller. Things felt so light the day Eden and I painted it, now I'm looking at the back of a shop that's too big for me.
Reeze. Shawn. Eden. Now Jintae.
I've got nobody now but a stranger called Gemma waiting for me in a supermarket parking lot.
I don't know how loneliness can feel so heavy.
I suck in another long breath and let it billow all the way out until it starts to fog the glass.
I scroll through my contacts and hit Eden's name. He might have left me. The betrayal might still be burning in my veins. But he's family.
The line clicks after a few rings.
"Eden. Eden, are you there?" I don't bother with hello. I'm too tired.
I can hear him breathing, but the silence that follows is more suffocating than the one I left inside the shop.
"Eden!"
"I thought I told you not to contact me?"
I'm used to his tone.
I'm used to his temperament.
But I'm also used to him being there when I need him, and my wants are a lot bigger than his right now.
"Have you seen my brother?"
