I had tried to do the same thing when I was a kid. I’d seen it in a movie I was far too young to see about college kids on a road trip from the seventies. I didn’t understand the story, but I recognized the sense of independence. Of swimming opposite to the current. Of actively rebelling against thebe quiet,theleave me alone,and thedon’t ask me any questions.But all my attempt got me was a scolding by my father, and my mother passively aggressively putting the window back up with the button on her door.
That was the exact moment I realized that my role in my family was to be seen and not heard. It was the first time I was old enough to truly get the message.
But staying quiet always felt like an objection to nature.
I’m a people person. A pleaser. Desperate to show my worth.
But I’m also stubborn.
I was never going to take Tek’snofor an answer.
And when I saw that he had gone from wanting me at the shop to help out, to just wanting me there, whether I said anything, or not. That’s when I knew.
That’s when the freedom I’d been pretending for twenty-one years finally felt real…
Movement to my left pulls my attention back inside the van, and I see Tek watching me.
I lean my head back on the seat then let it fall loosely to the side as I look at him.
“What?” I ask with a soft smile.
“Nothing.” He reaches for my hand. “Am I not allowed to admire my boyfriend?”
“One must never admire in silence.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
I quirk my brow. “But we do?”
“We make perfect sense.”
“Right answer.” I lift our hands and lean in to kiss the inside of Tek’s wrist.
We continue on with no schedule, just the open road and the promise of seven days where nothing matters but us. The first of many vacations to come.
I pull out the map from the glove compartment and unfold it across my lap.
“Did you wanna try the place we went to last time?” I ask, eyeing a specific red circle on the North Oregon coast. One of many red circles amongst the highlighted routes and potential camp sites.
“Of course. That’s where I was heading anyway.”
I smile and nod to myself because I don’t think the man I met last November would have ever been able to be so romantic. Unintentional or otherwise. Not because he didn’t have it in him, but because of how stuck he was. How deep he was inside his own head. Decades of self doubt and trauma had him believing that he didn’t deserve happiness, and that his only role was to be there for those around him as he slowly rotted from the inside out. It’s why his walls were so high. It’s why he refused to let anyone new in because he was already beyond the limit of what he could handle.
He’s still got a long way to go before he can fully understand just how amazing he is. But seeing him smile, and walk around without the world on his shoulders because he’s finally starting to live his life free of guilt, is inspiring. And I know it’s the real reason why he still hasn’t spoken to his mother since the day at the cafe.
His father has texted a few times with explanations as to why she needs more time, but I can see it in Tek’s eyes that he just doesn’t care anymore. And I’m so proud of him for it.
Mrs Jeon made me feel welcomed into what I always imagined was the dream family experience, and I’m so thankful for that. But I was never her son. And I will never be her disappointment.
I know that Jintae set down some strict ultimatums, but that’s what he needed to do. Tek, on the other hand, needs his space, and I’ll support him through that no matter what. If it takes him ten years to build back a relationship with his parents then I’ll be by his side every step of the way. And if he chooses no contact, I’ll back him whole heartedly on that as well.
I learned a long time ago that I was going to have to build my own family from the ground up. And I consider myself so lucky to have already found my forever person. But for now, it’s just us. Me and Tek. All other spots are still open, and while Liv is pretty high on the list, Eden has a hell of a long way to go before I even consider letting him in…
“Will you let me teach you to surf next time?”
“Maybe.” Tek takes back his hand, swaps it on the wheel, then props his head against his fist as he leans his elbow on the small ledge at the base of the window. “But I kinda like just watching you. It makes me feel special knowing you go out into this other world that I know nothing about, and you keep choosing to come back to me.”
“It’s not like I can live out there.”
