"I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You came in my mouth, then ignored me for a week."
"I know."
"And I still didn't leave."
"I know."
"I can't do this anymore."
"I know."
"But I wanna do it, Tek."
"I…" I can't finish the sentence.
“Is it because I’m a guy, or is it because I’m Eden’s brother?”
“I wish it were that easy of an answer.”
The kettle starts steaming, and Carey uses the end of the towel to wrap around the handle and pull it away from the flames. “You’re the only one who’s making it hard.”
“I don’t know why you like me so much.”
“Fuck off.” Carey’s head hangs down. “That’s such a cop out… I should have known you’d try to put this on me.”
“I’m not. I just don’t understand. You’ve not historically been my biggest fan.”
“You’re an asshole.” Carey takes the kettle and stands. “I’ve kissed your ass for the past month. I’ve taken your shit, and I’ve had a smile on my face the whole goddamn time. And if you’re talking about before—as in the last time I saw you, when I wasfifteen? Then the reason I didn’t talk to you back then is because I…” He falters, his forehead creased and his eyes unfocused on the ground between us. “The…” He tries again. “The reason I didn’t say anything is because I couldn’t be around you.”
I stare up at him but I’m too much of a coward to say anything.
“I… You were…”
“I was what?” I whisper.
“You were my fucking sexual awakening,” he spits down at me. “You. Your Instagram page and those fucking gym pics. You were the first guy that made me hard. You were the first guy I jerked off to. And then I see you again in person, and… You’re the reason I know I’m bi. When Eden asked me to go to the shop I refused because I didn’t want this to happen. But he begged, and I was fucked the second I walked through those doors… I want you, Tek. And if you don’t feel the same, then… then I can’t work with you anymore.”
“I don’t want you to quit.”
"Then you need to tell me what you want."
I can't.
I’m such a loser.
It’s only four words.
I want you, too.
I know if I say it he'll do everything else—but I need him to do it all.
He’s younger. More reckless.
I’ve got more to lose.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Carey.”
