“Yes you will.” It's my turn to cut him off, and I let the silence stretch.
All I want to do is talk about Carey, because every thought in my brain is him. His smile, his laugh, his smell, his stomach, his piercings, his hair… Then I grab onto something else. Something that won’t raise more questions. “I still haven’t heard from Jintae.”
Eden makes a weird sound. It’s like a sigh, but there’s frustration behind it. “Did you ever think that Jin is just doing whatever the fuck he wants? Maybe he’s better off? You needto stop thinking it’s your job to reel him back in. You share the same parents, so you’ve gotta know how he feels.”
I bite down on my lip, then say, “You’ve never liked him. What’s with the sudden—”
“There’s nothing behind it, Tek. I’m just playing Devil’s advocate.” The ocean roars louder. “Where are you?”
I hesitate, then decide to just tell the truth. “I’m at the beach.”
“The beach?”
“Yeah, is that so unbelieveable?”
“I am talking to Jeon Wootek, aren’t I?”
“Maybe your brother’s rubbed off on me. Maybe I decided to go for a walk instead of hitting the gym this morning.” It’s not the whole truth, but I convince myself that if Eden thinks about it hard enough, he can figure it out. Then logic slaps me in the face—I’m being too bold and I need to pivot. “I want you to come back.”
“Goodbye, Tek.”
“I’m sorry, Eden.”
“What the fuck did you do?”
My whole body tenses. “Huh?” He figured it out. He knows.
“What the fuck are you apologizing for? Other than pestering me about coming back, I mean. But still,sorryis not a word I’m used to hearing come out of your mouth.”
The urge to apologize again is real. “It’s… It’s just hard without you.”
“I’m sure you and Carey can figure it out.” The meaning behind Eden’s words, and what my ears hear, are hemispheres apart.
I want so desperately for this to be one of our,are you gonna fuck her?conversations. But even more than that, I want to tell him that I’ve found someone I want more than just physically.
Someone I want to hold hands with and wake up next to.
Someone I want to share my pain with because they are worthy enough to know the real me.
But how do I tell him?
How do I tell my best friend that the first person I’ve truly wanted since losing everything, is his little brother?
“You two better not fuck it up,” Eden laughs into the receiver.
I want to scream that it’s already fucked.
I want him to hear that I never meant for this to happen—that the last person I would have ever chosen to be the one soul who would pick up my pieces and put me back together, is Carey. But it was fast, and confronting, and it came out of nowhere, and no matter how hard I tried to push my feelings away he wouldn’t let me.
“I don’t think he’d let me fuck it up. He wants so badly for you to be proud of him.”
“Yeah,” Eden breathes out. It’s not a question, but it’s notnotone either. “Please take care of him for me.”
I feel the searing blade of a knife draw straight across my throat.
“Of course,” I whisper, just able to form the words.
“Thanks… Gotta go.” Eden doesn’t say goodbye. He just hangs up.
