In one morning, we created a rhythm with the three of us finding a routine. After Rylee left my room, she went back to her own to wash her face and brush her teeth. Well, the best she could for a six-year-old. When she headed to Somee’s room to ask for help with her uniform, a second face washing took place. Once she was dressed in a red and navy plaid skirt, navy long-sleeved polo, navy socks, and her new sneakers, she was back in my room holding up the cardigan and blazer, both bearing the Chandler Academy logo, wanting my approval for which would match my fly.
That shit had me emotional as hell because something so simple had become our thing. We decided on the blazer while Somee watched the exchange from the doorway. I winked at her as I helped Rylee into the last piece of her uniform, then she was off with Somee to get her hair done. Damn I was glad Somee was tackling that.
Yeah, she was going to have to stay with all that hair Rylee had.
After a quick breakfast we almost had to tie Rylee to a chair to eat, we were out the house and in my Range heading to Chandler Academy.
Even now, standing here watching Rylee walk away with her student rep who would be responsible for shadowing her todayto make sure she was acclimated to the school, it only felt right because of the woman standing next to me.
Somee turned to me with a cute little pout before her hands were moving.“I don’t know what to do. I’m proud of her but I’m sad that she’s leaving me.”
A smile eased onto my face when I responded,“I thought the child was supposed to be sad and have separation anxiety, not the parent.”
“She did an Olympic sprint to leave us. I’m allowed to be sad.”
I chuckled as we started toward my Range.“You know that’s all you, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“Her confidence is on point because you make sure she knows to hold her head high and be comfortable in her skin. You did that.”
Somee grinned.“She was only with me for a couple weeks. I can’t take credit.”
“Living with you, yeah, but she’s been at the school for almost a year. From what my mother told me, the changes in Rylee are like night and day. F-E-L-I-C-I-A didn’t have a damn thing to do with how confident and smart Rylee is. That’s all you.”
“Thank you.”We reached my truck and I paused to open the door, closing her in before I made my way to the driver’s side and settled behind the steering wheel.
Somee watched me for a minute before she hesitantly signed,“Can I ask you something personal?”
“Yeah, what’s up?”I had a feeling of what she wanted to know. I didn’t talk about Felicia with anyone, ever, because she didn’t deserve the energy it took to discuss her. For some reason, I didn’t mind sharing that part of my life with Somee.
“What’s the deal with you and F-E-L-I-C-I-A?”I appreciated that she used her name instead of referencing her as my mother.
“Long fucking story,”I signed and dropped my head back against the seat, turning to face her.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. I was just curious.”
My jaw tensed with annoyance before I responded.“Curious about how it’s fuck her kids? First me, then Rylee.”
“I wouldn’t have said it like that but…”
I cut her off with frustrated motions.“Doesn’t matter how you say it. The end result is still the same. She gave me away and left Rylee like neither of us fucking mattered.”
She stared blankly, not responding, so I added,“Having a kid doesn’t qualify you as a parent. Some people don’t deserve the right. She is one of those people. The reason I want Rylee with me and the reason I will fight to make sure I have her is because I know what her life was like. You don’t have to physically put your hands on a child to abuse them. You don’t have to use your words to do that either. Bringing a child into the world and not showing them love is just as detrimental and hurtful as physical pain. I existed in that space and couldn’t make sense of what I was missing having F-E-L-I-C-I-A as a parent. I knew I deserved better. There was always a void until I was living with M-I-R-A-N-D-A and O-R-L-A-N-D-O. They say you can’t miss something you’ve never had, but that’s bullshit. With F-E-L-I-C-I-A, there was always something missing from my life. I just couldn’t make sense of what that was. Even if I couldn’t explain it. I fucking knew. I felt that shit in here.”
My finger tapped my chest.“When M-I-R-A-N-D-A and O-R-L-A-N-D-O adopted me, they showed me love. I understood what I lacked before having them. Same way Rylee felt that shit and understood what was missing as soon as she had you.That’s my deal and I don’t give a damn what her reasons are. I made peace with it. My life is good. My parents love me, but with Rylee, I’ll never forgive F-E-L-I-C-I-A for the years she made my sister feel alone and unworthy. That woman doesn’t deserve either of our forgiveness and she’ll never fucking get it.”
Somee’s expression was neutral when she stared at me. She sat stock still, not expressing her thoughts until she leaned across the seat and the soft warmth of her lips touched my cheek just above my beard. When she hugged me, I didn’t move other than to drop my arm around her back. It didn’t feel like sympathy. The contact felt like love. Like she was attempting to pour into me everything Felicia refused to.
When she pulled away, she signed,“I’m sorry and I’m glad Rylee has you.”
I nodded, lifted my hand, and formed the letter K, moving it back and forth between the two of us before I signed,“She has us.”
After I drove Somee backto the house it took me another forty minutes to make it to the stadium. Since we needed to clean out our lockers, exit interviews were held at the stadium instead of our practice facility. I entered through the player access entrance, pausing at the scanner long enough to successfully be identified by facial recognition, granting me access to the building.
My first stop was the locker room and that shit gut punched. The staff was already in the process of removing the personalization, which made the end of the season feel final. Half of the pods were empty. The names were removed from the front and player images and numbers no longer lined theinterior walls. The zero-gravity chairs had been pulled out to be serviced or replaced.
“What’s up, Land. You good? Your ass went ghost after the game.” Dedric walked over to his pod and began grabbing personal items from the shelves which he tossed into a Sharks duffle open on his zero-gravity chair. Dedric Malloy was an outside linebacker and held the position I typically faced off against on opposing teams. His job was to target and take down the quarterback and mine was to protect ours.
