Me: You have a list of how you want me in them guts?
MyPrettyAssBaby: I didn’t but one is now officially started.
Me: Aight bet, let me start mine too.
MyPrettyAssBaby: Nope, my list, but you get to be a participant.
Me: Fuck you mean a participant? If there are participants other than me, I’m catching a charge and you’ll have to explain that to Rylee.
MyPrettyAssBaby: Relax, killa. I might have some solo experiences on the list that I can handle without you.
Me: Nah, nonnegotiable. My hands, my mouth, my dick, or it’s not on the list. Now stop talking nasty to me and tell me if you’re on your boss shit over there.
MyPrettyAssBaby: You started it, and yes, I’m on my boss shit. The job is easy, but I kind of like it.
Me: You’re bossing people around, so you love that shit. I’m proud of you. Let me get this last round of interviews over so I can get out of here. Counter whatever they offer you and tack on twenty percent. They’re gonna come in low just to see if you’ll take it.
MyPrettyAssBaby: Are you my business manager now?
Me: I’m your everything. Never doubt that and never forget that if nobody else got you, I do!
MyPrettyAssBaby: Big talk
Me: Big talk from a grown ass man who does big things.
I locked my phone and dropped it into my pocket when Vanessa stepped back into the room with the rep from Sports Center Live. I was pissed that my dick was hard and I couldn’t do anything about it until later, but also happy as hell that there was no question about who I would be handling it with.
I loved Somee.
I’d felt it for weeks now, possibly even the first time I experienced the love she had for my sister. But tonight, the words paired with the feelings which had been very present and very real for longer than I was willing to acknowledge.
Watching Rylee here tonight, thriving with her friends, happy, confident, and loved confirmed a lot of the reasons why my heart belonged to Somee. I wouldn’t dare say that Ididn’t play a role in why my sister was bouncing around this auditorium like she owned it, because I understood what I’d contributed to her confidence.
Since being with me, in a home that provided her the space and freedom to be whoever she wanted, Rylee blossomed. What I also couldn’t deny was she had that before I ever met my sister. First in the classroom with Somee as her teacher, then during the few weeks that Rylee was placed in Somee’s care, advocating for a child who she had no obligation or commitment to outside of simply loving her. That’s who Somee was.
She couldn’t fake that shit. The way she loved Rylee proved her character without performance and she loved Rylee before she realized I existed. My sister would never be an obligation I was attached to and that mattered. I did not fear what my future looked like, because without question, Rylee was my priority. Any woman who couldn’t understand that they would have to share my heart with my sister couldn’t be in my life.
I didn’t have to worry about that because Somee shared her heart with Rylee too. Somee was selfless with both of us. We came first, without her even realizing how she put our needs before her own. That was cool though because I had no problem putting Somee first to make sure she was never lacking. I loved that damn woman in ways that scared the shit out of me because I no longer knew who I was without her.
My biggest fear used to be how I would define the man I was when I walked off the field for the last time and how I would move forward without the one thing that shaped my existence and defined me. Now my biggest fear was what the fuck would I do if I lost the woman who’d shaped my existence and defined me in ways that football never had. I didn’t stress it too much because I would never have to find out. Somee was never fucking leaving…
I brushed a hand over my freshly cut waves, following my sister’s movements as she jumped around holding hands with Areena, across the room in the midst of their version of dancing.
It was loud as hell in here but tolerable. The massive speakers in all four corners of the auditorium thumped and the bone conductive flooring turned sound waves into vibrations they would feel. Immediately after I found out about the floors, I sent a text to Sovoya with a demand that she find a contractor who could get some installed at the house. The first thought that came to mind was Somee and Rylee’s dance parties, which had my grown ass smiling like a little kid.
My sole purpose in life was to ensure the things that made them happy were easily accessible. After adopting me, my parents showed me what love looked and felt like each time they acknowledged the things that made my life better and provided them without me having to ask.
A stable home, a support system that wasn’t perfect but was always present. I didn’t have that with Felicia, but I did with Orlando and Miranda. Rylee would have that with me. I also was learning day by day what being present and understating in Rylee and Somee’s world looked like and that had me smiling again. She schooled me on so many things that now made sense. It wasn’t always about introducing them to my world, it also meant me taking residence in theirs. This was Rylee’s world.
“It’s hard watching this, isn’t it?” I temporarily turned my attention to Daren at the sound of his voice. His wife and daughter were both deaf, so he signed and talked most of the time, which had become my norm pending my environment, but most certainly at home. He stepped next to me, watching his daughter with pride yet also like his heart was crushed by her independence.
I felt that…
“Yeah, it’s damn sure a reality check. She’s only been with me for a couple months but I already see her independence growing.”
I wanted Rylee to stand on her own but I also feared the day she didn’t need me as much.
“They will forever be ours though. No matter how independent or grown they think they are.”His tone was light but I heard the same fear in his voice that lingered in my chest. Our baby girls would grow up eventually.
