“Where is Somee?”
“She’s right here, you want to talk to her?”
“Yes, I want her to see my nails. We got mani pedis.”
“Here she goes.”
Ryland motioned for me to come closer. I settled next to him and we both had a view of his phone while Rylee went on and on about everything she had done so far. Everything about this moment further convinced me that there was no way I couldn’t be a part of their lives. Ryland and Rylee gave me life.
Chapter 19
Ryland
Icouldn’t sleep. My mind refused to shut down enough for me to rest and I was exhausted. Somee tapped out after our third round and snuggled up next to me in her bed. While she slept peacefully, I stared into the darkness of her room, thinking about all the reasons I fucking cared about not having the chance to speak my peace to a woman that never even crossed my mind for so many years.
Felicia didn’t matter to me because I had survived a life after her and was happy. I had an amazing career and parents who loved me the way she never had, but here I was, wide awake, struggling to make sense of emotions I shouldn’t have.
I was angry for so many reasons. Felicia was never a mother to me or my sister. She gave me away, left Rylee. The anger made sense. I could process that, understand where the feelings came from, but the tightness in my chest that I could only describe as hurt made no fucking sense. Losing Felicia shouldn’t hurt. With the way she’d tossed me out of her life, I should have been poppin’ bottles up in this bitch.
I glanced down at Somee who shifted at my side. Her head was on my chest and her leg was draped over mine while I was on my back with one arm tucked beneath her and the otherresting at my side. Even if my feelings about Felicia didn’t make sense, the ones I had for Somee did. I couldn’t fuck this up, which meant I needed to get past all this unnecessary emotional shit wasting energy that could be better served focused on Rylee and Somee.
I exhaled a sigh and carefully eased away from Somee and climbed out of bed. It was just after eight and there wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to get any sleep, so I decided to stop pretending. With sluggish movements and stiff muscles, I made my way to the bathroom where I took a piss then washed my face and brushed my teeth. I pressed my palms into the counter, staring at myself in the mirror until I heard movement at the door and turned to find Somee, sleepy-eyed with hair all over her head, frowning at me.
“You okay?”
“I’m good.”
She searched my face for a minute then nodded, shuffling into the bathroom, where she pulled up the T-shirt she’d slept in, yanked her panties down, and plopped onto the toilet. I grinned because she was comfortable enough to not give a damn about me being in here. She finished, wiped, flushed, and bumped me out of the way to wash her hands before shoving a toothbrush into her mouth.
I leaned against the counter, watching Somee brush her teeth before washing her face, looking more awake by the time she was done. After all of those steps and products for her skincare, there was no way she wouldn’t be. That shit took focus and an engineering degree.
“I need matcha.”Her hands moved lazily before she pushed past me leaving the bathroom. I followed her into the kitchen and sat at the table tracking her movements while she prepared one of those nasty ass green drinks she was always sipping. The shit tasted like chalk but Somee loved them. She didn’t botheroffering me one since I had shot her down enough times already. She went to the refrigerator to pour me a glass of orange juice instead. We did a Shop to Door order last night to grab a few things since her mom had cleared out the refrigerator a week after Somee left.
After she was seated in front of me with her feet propped up on my thigh, legs crossed at the ankles, her eyes were closed while she cuffed the mug in her hands, taking the first sip. I laughed when her pretty ass smiled like that nasty shit gave her life.
She placed the mug on the table and her hands were moving.“You didn’t sleep?”
“How the hell you know if I went to sleep? You were dreaming before I pulled my dick out of you.”
Those pretty eyes rolled as she smiled.“Your fault, not mine. Orgasms are a natural sedative.”
I chuckled.“Then the way I deliver them makes me your personal pusher. Straight up, no chaser.”
“Just gonna run with that,”she signed, rolling her eyes.
“Am I lying?”
She grinned and lifted her mug, drinking a few more sips then asking a question when she was done instead of answering mine.“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
I laughed, shaking my head because every time this woman wanted my truths, I handed them over like a gotdamn pussy. But I damn sure didn’t feel like one. Being open with Somee about the things that had my mind tied up and my chest feeling weighted made me feel more like a man than I could explain in simple words. Omiri said shit like that all the time when it came to his relationship with Makari and I never understood what it meant until right now. Feeling secure enough to be open and vulnerable with a woman was grown man shit. Having a woman I trusted enough to allow her to see the parts of me that weren’twhole, knowing she wouldn’t see me as any less of a man, had my ego in check.
“I’m scared to do this shit today.”
“Bury your mother?”Her expression softened.
“Yeah. I don’t know how it’s going to go. I feel like she owes me something and I’m never gonna be able to collect. She took the easy way out and I’m fucking pissed…”
I curled my fingers into my palm so damn tightly that my hand ached until Somee moved out of her chair and into my lap. The softness and warmth of her skin and the weight of her body on mine relaxed me.“But you’re hurt too because you’re losing something you wanted but never got from F-E-L-I-C-I-A. Something you will never have because of what she did.”
