I sighed internally and kept going, stacking plates in the cupboards and cutlery in the drawer. I didn’t have time for this. But there was a small voice in my head, one that reminded me that the only adult conversation I had outside of work was with my mom when I was late picking up Hannah. Even though she always kept me entertained with the gossip from her work and the townhome complex she lived in, it wasn’t the same as having friends. And then there were the conversations with my ex-husband. I’d rather not have them at all. Even if Carina and I were only talking about babies, it was kind of nice to chat with someone new.
I’d only spoken with Carina a few times since the barbecue, and it was always in conjunction with an event the team was involved with. I’d call her an acquaintance more than a friend, but I certainly wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to expand that very small circle. I’d lost enough of them when Si and I split—our mutual friends turned out to be his friends, not mine.
“Every day there’s something new to experience, ey?” she mused.
“There is,” I agreed, smiling fondly. Hannah had grown so much, so quickly. It was bittersweet—she’d be grown before I even realized it. I wanted to experience everything and never take it for granted. I hadn’t taken photos of her for a week, and it astounded me how much she’d changed in just that short period of time.
“I never intended on having two kids,” she confided. “Cara is in her twenties. She’s old enough to be Charlie’s mum. I’m old enough to be her grandmother.” She paused but continued again before I could point out that forty wasn’t that old to be a new mom.
“I envisioned my forties and fifties entirely different to what they’ll look like now. But I wouldn't change it for the world.”
“Me neither,” I said quietly. But that was part of the problem. I’d envisioned my life completely different too. I thought I’d have my ex’s support, and we’d be a happy family of three, or more if there were siblings who needed care. Then he cheated, and my world tipped on its axis. But now I was reconsidering everything again, wondering if I should forget about the divorce and try once more. Maybe if I went back into this relationship already knowing he was with another woman, I might be able to accept it.
For Hannah’s sake.
Then there was my attraction to Miller and Spencer.
“I thought my time was done. My first husband was much older than me, and he only ever wanted one. But then he cheated on me, and everything changed.”
I hesitated, then eased the cutting board back into the dishwasher. “I’m sorry that happened, Carina. It must have been tough.” I sat down at the kitchen table in the same seat I’d been in when Simon had dropped his bomb on me. I had more in common with Carina than I’d realized.
She huffed. “I was the last person to find out. He was sleeping with the new hire literally in his office with his secretary outside. They could hear them. But everyone hid it from me.”
“Unbelievable,” I muttered. “That’s… awful.”
“It was.”
I swallowed and asked a question that had been haunting me since Simon had packed his things. “Did you miss him when you split? Did you second-guess your decisions?”
Her voice was honest, raw, when she spoke again. “Yes and no. I thought we were great until we weren't. It felt like the rug was pulled out from underneath me.” She sighed, then continued. “I was staying in our pool house, and she moved into the main house with my ex the day I moved out of it. They didn’t even change the sheets.”
“Ew.” I shuddered. At least it was them sleeping on the sheets, not her.
“Right? Gross. They were in the pool every night, laughing and screwing right outside my window.” I heard Carina swallow, felt the burning humiliation she must have experienced. But then she shook it off, cleared her throat, and explained, “That was hard to take. I struggled to regain my footing.”
“What did you do? How did you get back on your feet?”
She laughed, but it wasn’t humor, it was fondness. “I went and visited my best friend. Then I went on what was supposed to be a girl’s trip to Vegas, got drunk, married her son, and he knocked me up.”
I couldn’t help my laugh. I hadn’t expected her answer even though I knew it, in a nutshell, was exactly what had happened.
“That went a long way to helping me get over my ex,” she added.
“I’m sure it did.” I laughed again and realized I was smiling. The idea of getting under someone else to forget about your exwas so very tempting. But in my case, I was already too fond of Miller to contemplate even hooking up with him.
“What about you? Do you miss your ex?” she asked gently.
“I miss what we were. Or what I thought we were, anyway. I miss the company. Just having someone to come home to was nice, though he travelled a lot.” I groaned and added, “I miss adult conversations and me time too.” I pursed my lips and shrugged even though she couldn’t see me. “But that's not really anything to do with Simon and me splitting. That's having a baby.”
“I get it. When Charlie came along, the script between us flipped again. It's exhausting and rewarding. So much fun and such hard work. Did I mention exhausting?” She laughed, and it ended on a sigh. “It’s so different at my age than what it was when Cara was a baby. But the main difference now is that I have so much support.” She didn’t give me a chance to be taken aback by her words before she continued. “David never pitched in like Jacques, Trav, and Linc do, and I have Cara, Alec, and Monroe, as well as other friends. Do you have that? The support?”
“I do. Mom helps out all the time. Whenever I’m stuck working late, she picks Hannah up for me. It’s a huge help. It’s not the husband and roommates you have, but I make do.”
She snorted out a laugh and asked, “You don't actually believe they're our roommates, do you?”
I opened my mouth to tell her that I suspected there was a lot more to their relationship, but she continued. “I trust you’ll keep our confidence, but there’s a reason why Charlie calls Jacques, Trav, and Linc variations of ‘Dad.’ We’re all together. The boys have been in a relationship since college. Then I came along and gate-crashed it and married Jacques. It took a few months to sort ourselves out, but now the four of us are committed to one another and parenting Charlie together.”
“I suspected,” I replied. But I hadn’t had any idea before Charlie came along. Jacques had been attending pre-season barbecues and other events with the Seals for a few years now, and I’d never picked up on the fact that he was anything more than friends with his roommates. Guilt ate at me. Jacques had his own reasons for not coming out, but if it was because the Seals didn’t feel like a safe place, then I was part of the problem.
