I rubbed my temples, a headache pressing against my skull.
Bitterness swept through me, followed by bone-deep hurt. My eyes stung with unshed tears. My hands shook, and my jawached with how hard I was clenching it. I needed space. I needed to get away from them. How could he do this to me? How could he betray me like this? I thought we were happy. I thought he loved me.
My eyes filled with tears, and I pushed myself up from the chair and turned away from them. I pressed my hands against my mouth, trying to hold back my sob.
But then the anger was back. He’d done this. It was his fault. No matter what I wanted to say about Amanda, he was the one who was married. He was the one who’d made the commitment to me and had shattered that promise by sleeping with her. It wasn’t just the once either. They were in a relationship. They’d been trying to have a baby together. They’d succeeded, and now he was sitting in my kitchen, wondering why I wasn’t happy for them.
A whirlwind of emotions hit me from all angles. I couldn’t catch my breath. I leaned against the cabinetry and exhaled slowly. Then I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I was not going to let them see me cry.
I hated the catch in my voice when I surmised, “You've been cheating on me for a year. Longer if you didn't start trying to have a baby straight away.”
“We'd been together for about six months before we started trying,” Amanda supplied, ever helpful.
Oh, great. Half my marriage then.
Amanda was apparently as book smart as she was beautiful—Si had told me more than once she was going places in the agency—yet she was also completely cruel.
My husband had handpicked her when the interns selected in the firm’s graduate recruitment program finished their rotations. I huffed and shook my head at the way he’d manipulated my encouragement to hire her. His excitement over Amanda choosing his department, and in turn him as her senioragent, made a whole lot more sense now. He'd been attracted to her. He'd hired her, seduced her, cheated on me, and was now starting a family with her. What the actual hell?
I was ashamed of myself. I hadn’t noticed. I hadn’t even believed him capable of cheating. The thought had never even crossed my mind. I thought he loved me. I thought he was a good man, a decent one who kept his promises. I was an idiot for believing his ruse.
“What the hell, Si?” I cried, my voice shaking along with the rest of my body.
He tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips like he was trying to figure me out. He was just as fucking clueless as his… whatever she was.
“You knew I wanted Amanda. You told me to go for it,” he said, his eyes bright and a confused tilt to his brow.
I almost laughed with incredulity. But then it hit me. He was serious. He genuinely thought I’d given him the okay to pursue her. Well, screw that. I wasn’t taking the blame here. This was on him.
“I thought you meant to work with, not seduce! You've never once mentioned that you wanted to date her. Don’t you think that telling me you two were in a relationship, or trying for kids was important? You’re about to become parents. When were you planning on letting me in on the secret?”
“Well, now,” he said, his voice tight. “But I speak about Amanda all the time.”
“Ascolleagues,” I shot back, much louder than I would normally ever speak to another person. My anger and disgust made my words sharp and my tone cold.
Amanda turned to Simon and tilted her head, regarding him through a furrowed brow. She was stiff, her back ramrod straight. Her mouth was drawn in a straight line and her cheeks were flushed. What a piece of work. He’d lied to her too. Amandathought I knew about their relationship; she had no idea she was the other woman.
“No.” He shook his head and lifted his chin defiantly, oblivious to her dawning realization. “I tell you when we've been hanging out, spending time together.”
“They're all work functions.”
“No, most of the time it’s just the two of us, especially when we go out for dinner. I mean, we’re always together when we have a work trip too, but they don’t happen all that often. I thought you were relieved I wasn't going alone anymore. I know how you worry.”
“What do you mean they don’t happen that often? You’re away nearly every week.”
“That’s because I’m staying at Amanda’s.”
“Are you serious right now?” I shouted.
Amanda winced and covered her belly with her hands, sheltering her baby—their baby—from my outburst.
I shook my head in disgust and pointed at Amanda. “You got her into bed within months of hiring her. How are your bosses okay with this?”
The firm had a no-fraternization rule that was written into every contract. Relationships between staff happened, but not between supervisor and subordinate. Amanda should have been transferred to a different department, and someone—anyone—should have told me. Anger simmered in my veins. Cold, hard, destructive rage bubbled beneath the surface, ready to blow like a volcano.
“They don’t know. That would be career suicide for Si,” Amanda stated calmly. But it was a deceptive calm. I could see the storm brewing in her eyes. “I didn’t want to be transferred. But with me going on leave soon to have the baby, we wanted to make it official.”
“What do you want, Simon?” I asked through clenched teeth. “Spell it out clearly. Speak to me like I'm a two-year-old—you'll have plenty of practice with that soon, I imagine,” I spat.
