“You have.”
“We’re at a school event, KO.” I kept my eyes trained on Dakoda playing across the room as I walked.
“And?”
“And I don’t wanna do this here.” I took another step, and KO moved right with me before cutting me off completely.
“Look at me,” he said, but I couldn’t.
“You know what your problem is?” He pointed at me. “You think I have self-control because I use it.”
“What do you want me to say, KO?” The question came out sharper than I intended.
“I want you to stop acting like last night didn’t happen.” His jaw flexed.
“That’s funny.” I laughed because his audacity was hilarious.
“What’s funny?”
“I thought that’s what you wanted,” I shot back. “You literally fucked me and told me we couldn’t do this, and then one of your little hoes showed up at the door.”
“Cherry is my publicist, Lyrius.”
“A publicist whose bed you’re in every week, right?” And for the first time since he’d come back into my life, he didn’t have a response. A group of kids ran past us toward one of the exhibits, and my eyes found Dakoda again. He was laughing and playing with some kids over by the water table. I smiled automatically. And then the smile disappeared.
“Look,” I said quietly. “I’m trying to protect what we got right now.”
KO followed my gaze to Dakoda. He was having the time of his life.
“I love having my son in my life.”
“I know,” I replied. “And he loves having you around.” That was the main reason I couldn’t get caught up, letting sex and false hope ruin this for Dakoda. “Maybe we moved too fast, KO.” The words hurt, but they were the truth. “Living together. Sharing space. Trying to play happy family when we have years of history sitting between us was a bad idea. Maybe we should have involved the courts.”
“Lyrius.” He tried to interrupt, but I kept going anyway.
“Everything I ever felt for you was real, KO, and I can’t just turn that off.” My throat tightened. “I can’t sit around pretending I’m okay with casual sex. I can’t ruin this for my son.”
“You think that’s all I got out of last night?”
I ignored the question. Because if I answered honestly, I’d cry. And I wasn’t crying in front of a damn shark tank and half of Shoreline Elementary.
“I think you should go home.”
“Go home?” KO stared at me.
“Yeah.” I nodded, breaking my own heart, because a part of me wanted anything but that, but wanting something and expecting reality were two different things.
“You asking me to leave?”
“Dakoda starts school Monday.” I forced myself to keep talking. “You’ll be back training. I’ll be working. We’ll barely see each other during the week anyway.”
“Nah.”
“We can figure out a schedule. I won’t keep you from him.”
“A schedule?”
“I can bring him to Azalea on weekends.”
