“He likes to kick a lot.It’s weird to see his little elbow or foot skate across my stomach,” I say with a smile as I feel a knock on my bladder.“I get a lot of back pain, but that might also be because of the hard cot they made me sleep on.”
“He?”
“I think it’s a boy.I keep having these dreams that I’m holding my son and then watching Zane play in the backyard.”
“Is Zane the dad?”she asks after refilling my water cup.
I shake my head, “No, Beckett is the baby’s father.Zane is Beckett’s three-year-old son.”I finish the ham and cheese sandwich and dive right into the grilled cheese.“This is so good,” I moan.
“We need to get you in a shower after this before your body crashes for a nap,” Judy says looking around the kitchen.
“Has there been any word on my mom?”I ask, not holding back the hope in my voice.
Judy’s shoulders slump.“I haven’t heard anything specifically, but I do know that Shepherd Walter and Jared are moving some of the women around because of the business associate coming into town.”
My stomach roils, and I have to take several deep breaths to keep the contents from coming up.Pushing back from the table, unable to eat another bite, I look out the window.
“Is there a way to get a message to someone in town?”I ask in a hushed tone.
“Sister Karen is the only wife allowed off the property since you left.She does the shopping every Thursday and takes several men to collect the supplies.Only a handful of members are allowed to go to church on Sundays,” she tells me, filling me in on updates that don’t make me hopeful.
We both stand and clean up my plates.As she guides me out of the room, one of the guys steps in front of us.
“She needs to have a shower,” Judy informs the man.“Shepherd Walter instructed for her to get cleaned up.”
The man nods then looks over at me, “Don’t try anything stupid.I won’t be made a fool and placed on restriction because you think you can outsmart me and try to leave.”
My hand cups my stomach, “I have no intention of trying to leave.”
The guy narrows his eyes at me, but steps to the side as Judy and I walk over to the stairs and ascend the wooden steps.I hear the sound of heavy thumps and know that he’s following behind us.
“Go on in and get started.I’ll gather some clothes for you to wear,” Judy instructs.
I make my way over to the bathroom across from my old room.The first thing I do is relieve my bladder.I find that recently I have to go more and more often, especially if my little one decides to practice his punting skills.When I finish, I turn on the shower.The sound gets me excited, and I find that the little things that I’ve been without for weeks bring me much pleasure.When I got back from Colombia, I thought I’d never again have to be without a toilet seat or running water, but now I hope to never take those few things for granted, ever.
Stripping my dirty old clothes, my eyes look back at the reflection in the mirror.The person looking back at me doesn’t seem or feel like me.Turning to the side, I gaze down at my stomach for the first time.My body has changed so much over the last several months.It truly does look as though I’ve swallowed a basketball.The baby kicks as if he knows I’m thinking about him, and it makes me smile.He’s the only reason I’ve had hope these days.The more I look over my body, the more I see a beatdown and battered girl staring back at me, but the one thing that’s different is the determination in my eyes.I’m not going down without a fight for me or the growing life inside of me.Papa isn’t going to control or use me anymore, and when the time is right, I’ll strike again, but this time I’ll succeed.Hopefully, Rocky was able to relay the message to Stone, Beckett, or Raegan, and they have a starting point as to where to start looking for me.
I slip under the hot water.I let it consume me.I wash my body three times and do the same for my hair.It isn’t until the water switches over to cool that I shut it off.Relishing in the feel of the towel, exhaustion starts to take over my body.Today has been a lot, and the stress from earlier doesn’t help matters.I notice a stack of fresh clothes folded up and placed by the sink.I put on the garments that all the women wear in The Fellowship, the standard white shirt and long white skirt.After drying my hair, my reflection doesn’t look as scary as it did when I first saw myself.It’s amazing what a little hot water and some soap and shampoo can do for you.
Judy is waiting outside the door with the same man from the kitchen.Judy is speaking with the guy while pointing a finger in his direction.Her face is red as though she’s fuming about something.
They turn when they notice me standing there.
“I was told to take you to building twenty-three,” the guy states, his face never showing any emotion.
“She needs to be looked after in her condition,” Judy spits out.“She needs a proper bed to sleep in and to be close in case something happens.”
“There will be someone monitoring her,” the man says.“Shepherd Walter wants her out of his sight until Mr.Sanchez comes.”
My body locks up at the thought of being down in a hole again.
“I’ll stay in my room, not coming out until told,” I plead, hating to show any weakness.
“I’m following orders,” he quips.
“Let me at least gather her a bag of her things and some food so that she and the baby are good,” Judy demands.She doesn’t wait for his response and knocks his arm with hers as she plows into my old room.I stay put, showing that I can follow directions and not cause any problems.
A few moments later, Judy reappears and we head down the stairs and back to the kitchen.She grabs everything I could possibly eat that won’t spoil.Once she’s done, she hands me both bags.
