“You don’t want me to be a courtesan?”
“No, my love. I want you to find your own calling. You and Lark. I want you both to find your happiness, not follow in my footsteps.”
My wings tremble and I swallow. “His Majesty, he said, I had to.” I never had a choice.
“What do you mean, you had to?” She pulls away and looks into my eyes.
“He said he’d send me away if I didn’t go through with courtesan training. He said I’d never see you or Lark again.”
Mother’s hands squeeze my arm. “When did he say this?”
“When we came to the Winter Court. He summoned me to his office, and he said that if I wanted to stay with you, I had to become a courtesan, too.” His office had smelled like sandalwood and metal. I didn’t like it.
Mother’s brows knit close together. She frowns. “That can’t be right.”
“It’s what I remember. That’s why I’m so excited about my wings glowing. It means he can’t send me away. I can be a courtesan.” Tears well in my eyes. “I don’t want him to send me away because my wings don’t glow.”
Her face goes bright red. “I don’t care who he is. He’s not sending you away. No. We’re binding you with moon thread, and you won’t glow again until I clip it.”
I step back, shaking. “Please don’t do this.” I’ve waited so long for my glow, I don’t want it snuffed out so soon.
“We have to. You’ll understand when you’re older. I promise. Please, please, don’t fight me on this. My beautiful boy, my perfect, sweet faeling. Please do this for me. Please allow me to bind your glow to protect you.”
“I don’t understand.” My shoulders drop and I rub my foot along the cold marble floor.
“And that’s exactly why we must bind you, my sweet dear. If we don’t, they’ll take advantage of you. They’ll take every bit of you, and I don’t wish that on you at all. You’re too sweet. I want you to stay innocent for as long as possible. Allow you to run and be as free as you can be. No one’s been a courtesan at your age for centuries, and I won’t allow it to be my child to be the next one.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Thank you, my love. Thank you.” She pulls me back into her embrace and I will myself to keep from being more of a brat than I’d already been. Mother doesn’t ask for much.
Mother drags a chair from her breakfast nook to by the fireplace. She spins it around, so the back is facing the fire. I just want to admire my wings and their glow. They sag with every dramatic sigh I emit.
“Sweetling, you’ll glow again.” Mother runs her fingers through my hair as she deftly braids my tresses. “Perhaps you deserve a few moments in front of the mirror, though.” She nods towards her silver full length standing mirror in the corner.
I hug her before racing to look myself over. She laughs as I turn this way and that, trying to get a good visual of the glow. It’s a deep violet that fades into brilliant yellow towards the tips. My hair is stark white, so having a bit of pretty color has me over the moon, even if mother wants to hide it away for now.
“You have your father’s glow,” she says so softly I wonder if she knows I can hear her. “Come sit. I’ll do this as quickly and painlessly as possible.” She moves gracefully to her bedroom.
I sit in the chair again, waiting for her return.
“I’m sorry this is going to hurt. I have to circle your wing stems, then sew the moon thread into your skin. Once I tie theends, it’ll mask your glow.” She kisses my shoulder and I brace the back of the chair.
For long minutes, nothing hurts. She counts and weaves my wings together with a song I’ve never heard before. I don’t know if it’s part of the ritual or for her own comfort. I cry out when she starts sewing the moon thread into my skin.
“I’m so sorry, Wren. My sweet boy. My beauty.”
I feel tears drip down my back with each weave of her needle going back and forth between my wings.
“Won’t everybody know what you’ve done?” I ask, trying to distract myself from the pain. The warmth of the magic coursing through my wings fades.
“No, my sweet child. As soon as I tie the knot, the threads will become invisible, and your glow will stop.” At that, she ties the threads, and the glow disperses until it’s gone.
“My sweet boy, this will save you so much pain and heartache. I know it will.”
I suck in a breath and sit. My heart pounds. Why the fuck did I dream ofthatnight? Why do I keep dreaming of the Fae lands now? It’d been long enough I shouldn’t be thinking about them, right? Why do they plague me now? I squeeze my eyes shut and try to will my breathing to calm. Mother was, of course, right and every day through later training and my courtesan career, I thanked her for binding my glow. No child should go through that, and I’m sorry she had to.
Now I’m too upset to go back to sleep. There’s nothing in the apartment to do though, so I pad over to the living room and turn on the TV. I keep the volume low and just stare at the screen until I zone out. I don’t even know what’s playing, but it helps relax me again. Did Lord Yelling bring the dream? How would he know about my first glow?
