Nathan let out a groan of misery, sat back in his chair and dropped his head forward.
“I suppose…you don’t understand…you aren’t…” tried Nathan.
“Oh, just spit it out, man. I’ve had a horrendous day. I woke up with Jack, Hestia shouted at me and Clara left me. You could tell me nothing that’s worse than all that.”
Nathan sighed in resignation. “Do you remember when Hestia gave birth to Harry?”
Rook frowned. “Of course. An immensely happy day for all concerned.”
“Was it?” Nathan questioned bluntly. “I don’t remember that.” He shook his head slowly.
“I love Harry with every fibre of my being – that goes without saying. But I spent that day, and the previous night in total agony and wretchedness. To hear Hestia, go through ten hours – ten hours of pain and hurt – was possibly the worst day of my life. My mother died in childbirth, did you know that? And you must remember your own mother?” Nathan shuddered. “I cannot lose her, Rook. She became with child so soon after the wedding. I cannot lose her…ever. So, I decided on that day…I decided that I wouldn’t touch her again. If it estranges us, then so be it. She’s alive – my beautiful Hestia is still alive.”
Rook was…stunned. He had been terribly upset when his own mother had died giving birth to Hestia, and his father had been distraught. He’d hardly considered how it must feel to see your own wife go through that agony, to wonder if she was going to survive the ordeal. He imagined, for a moment, Clara in the pain of childbirth, and his fists clenched.
“Well said, Nathan. We men do not think nearly enough of the risks that our wives, mothers and daughters go through in order to produce the next generation. We take it all for granted.”
“I thought it would be easy to stay away,” Nathan lamented, pinching his forehead. “I thought we could continue the same. But, God I miss her. Not just the actual act, but the closeness and the intimacy. I stopped sharing her bed, because I was fully convinced that one day I would make-love to her whilst asleep.” He laughed self-depreciatingly. “I miss waking up with her. To watch her snore when she sleeps on her back.” He took another sip of whisky. “Christ, to see her this week…I have very nearly given in every night. Only the drink has prevented me – physically and mentally – from throwing myself at her like a rabid animal. I nearly killed that Zeus fellow at the masquerade, didn’t of course, but I did leave him with a nasty bruise over the eye with a whack from my ‘sleep-inducing branch’.” Rook chuckled and they shared a wry smile together.
“There is a simple answer to your problem, you know?” Rook said.
“Don’t say, make a coffee-house. It doesn’t work. I have friends who –”
“Make a what?” Rook interjected abruptly.
“Oh erm…” Nathan floundered. “Just what the other fellows call it. Coitus interruptus…I mean, withdrawing, you know…the coffee-house – to go in and out and spend nothing. It doesn’t always work…” he trailed off.
“No, no.” Rook frowned, feeling old. “I agree entirely. But why the hell haven’t you considered cundums?”
Rook watched as a deep flush appeared on Nathan’s cheekbones, he sometimes forgot that the man was much younger than himself.
“Er…well…of course, I know of them, yes, but they’re for preventing disease, aren’t they? For using in brothels…never for using with your wife,” he muttered.
“Who told you that claptrap?” Rook laughed.
“My father.”
“Oh,” Rook replied flatly. “Well, he does belong to the previous generation. Cundums do help to prevent babes as well, Nathan.” Rook looked at the floor uncomfortably. “I do not wish the stigma of being a bastard on any child, so I have used them in the past, when necessary. You do have to make sure they are…well…new. Buy them from a crooked source and they are likely to have holes or been used.”
“That’s…disgusting,” said Nathan, wrinkling his nose.
“There’s a decent vendor in Convent Garden. Makes them out of sheep’s intestine and, though they are a bit of a fag to prepare, well worth it. I send my valet to buy them, but I’m sure he can obtain some new ones for you tomorrow. I expect you are rather…desperate?” he said with a smile.
“Fit to burst, if truth be known. Are you really sure that they work?”
“I suspect nothing is infallible, but they are the best method I know.”
Nathan nodded slowly, “I cannot do this to Hestia any longer: I am hurting her too much. You need to know, Rook…I never would have gone with another woman.”
“I know, Nathan. I think that’s why I didn’t worry about the situation. Your love for each other has never been in doubt. But God’s teeth, why didn’t you just discuss this with her?”
Nathan laughed. “I know she would have listened to my concerns, but ultimately, she would have knocked down my defences. At times, she can be rather…”
“Yes, she can,” acknowledged Rook, remembering her tirade in the hall. “Just talk to her, Nathan. She still loves you.”
“I hope so. I was rather cruel to her one night. By the way, I broke that vase in the box room; ’fraid I smashed my hand into it.”
Rook raised his brow. “I did wonder,” he said, looking pointedly at Nathan’s bandaged hand. “No matter, it was probably hideous – hence its placement in the box room.”
