She pursed her lips. “I shall try to contain myself.”
Fifteen minutes later I placed two coffees on a table in the far corner of the large hospital cafeteria and sat down opposite her. It was relatively quiet at this time, but there were still plenty of people in here - patients, my colleagues, family members, all taking a break from their days, seeking some kind of normalcy in caffeine.
“Merci, chérie.”She flicked a sugar packet between her fingers and ripped the corner open, pouring it into her coffee. “Now, what is going on?”
“Nothing really,” I sighed, “I mean, well, after his accident Felix kissed me, we kissed…”
She scanned my face in silence, hanging on so long I dropped it so she couldn’t keep it up. Instead, I stared at my coffee as I swirled the stirrer slowly round and round.
“Hmmm. And now your feelings are back?”
My head shot up. “What? What do you mean?”
She reached over and stroked my face. “Bébé, je suis ta mère.I know you and I know you had feelings for Felix once upon a time. I remember.”
“What do you mean, you remember? You knew? And you never said anything?” I could feel myself frowning at her because I was struggling to understand how this was possible. “Why didn’t you ever say anything? You’re so nosy, you’re the nosiest person I’ve ever met, and yet you never once asked.”
She picked her coffee up and sipped it. “Because you weren’t ready for them then. You didn’t want to admit it. I watched you struggle with them every time we were all together. You were studying hard and Felix was too young, he was a silly boy like your brother.”
“I thought Coop just had a lot of testosterone he needed to get rid of,” I grumbled.
“He did, that doesn’t mean it was right for you, and I didn’t want you making the same mistake as him with that ridiculous, five second marriage of his.”
I always forgot Cooper was married before he’d met Freddie, that he’d had a whirlwind marriage in his rookie days. I’d also never heard my mother criticize him for it, at least not since it had ended.
I took a big glug of my coffee. “And now?”
“Now you’re older and your life is different. You are incredible at your job and I’m so proud of you, more than you could ever know. Your papa and I are both so proud. But you need balance Molly, you need to find that.”
“Mamon…”
She held her hand up. “Shhhh shhhh shhhh. Tell me about the kiss.”
Just as the first one had a month ago, the second and third and fourth… and all the rest of his kisses from yesterday stilllingered on my lips. I could still taste the sweetness of his mouth, feel the warmth of his tongue. I could feel it everywhere.
I shifted in my chair before my mom noticed the flush rising in my cheeks, because I knew it was there. My body was heating up at the memory. “It was good, amazing. And I freaked out and I’ve been avoiding him. But then yesterday,” I tried to contain my amusement, “he lured me to a fake lunch so I’d talk to him and said he wanted me to give him a chance, giveusa chance.”
“And what do you want?”
The butterflies started up in my belly again. “I want that.”
“Alors, quel est le problème?”
“There’s no problem, it’s just all happened so fast. His accident was bad and then the kiss was so good and I’ve been overwhelmed with these feelings coming back. I don’t know what to do with them.” I shrugged. “He’s one of my best friends, but I never imagined that he’d ever say he wanted more with me. And yesterday, everything felt so right and like a perfectly normal thing to happen.”
“Well of course. It’s the evolution of your relationship. You’re scared?C’est ca?”
I nodded, glumly.
“Chérie, that’s natural. You’ve only known medicine and now things are changing, but that’s not a bad thing. Change always feels big and scary, but I raised you to be a strong, intelligent woman. You can do this, and you deserve to find happiness outside of this hospital.” She waved her arms around dramatically.
I started snapping up my wooden sugar stirrer, trying to find the words to articulate what was really bothering me. “What if it’s not enough? What if I’m not enough?”
She frowned at me. “Chérie, why would you think that?”
I shrugged. “Because I know how to be his friend and I’m good at it. But what if I’m not good at being his girlfriend and he prefers the single life that he’s always had?”
She took hold of my hand. “Molly, Felix has grown up with the boys, they’re his family and the boys are his role models. He was so little when his parents left him, and then when his grandparents died, we became his family too, as did Jasper’s parents, and Drew’s. He followed everything the boys did, and now they’re all settling down. He was always going to be the last because he doesn’t know any other way. He’s always had something special with you, but because of Cooper, he couldn’t do anything about it.”
