I looked down at the empty container. Now what?
My leg was aching from therapy but I didn’t really want to take more painkillers. Usually when my body normally ached,I’d have a bath, something I hadn’t yet attempted to do. I considered asking Molly if it was okay, but knew she wouldn’t reply and stopped myself from thinking about it too hard before my blood started to boil again.
Fuck it, a bath it was. That should kill a few hours at least. I picked up my crutches and headed for the stairs.
My bathroom was one of the reasons I’d bought this house, I fucking loved it. The house had been built on a hill, so it afforded me incredible views through the big wrap around windows which took up three quarters of the space at the end of the room. On a clear day, I could see the Hudson River in the distance, making its way toward the city on one side, and the tall trees of the state parks on the other.
But today was not a clear day, it was grey and cold.
Much like my mood.
I dropped my crutches and sat on the side of the tub, the water flowing full and loud as I turned on the faucets, steam rapidly filling the air and hitting the windows until I could no longer see the wind blowing the trees outside. I pulled my hoodie over my head while the water swallowed up the menthol and eucalyptus Epsom salts I’d chucked in, unstrapping my leg brace before shrugging out of my sweatpants and boxers, dropping them at my feet. My housekeeper was working overtime right now to pick up all the shit I left in my path, because I couldn’t bend to get it myself.
If it fell on the floor, it stayed there.
The bruising that covered my thigh had morphed through a kaleidoscope of colors from black and purple to blue and green, and was now settled on a sickly yellow that made me look slightly jaundiced. The bandages had come off, the incisions that had been closed with stitches were still red and slightly lumpy from the scar tissue, but it was a world away from the angry welts filled with spidery thread they’d been a week ago.
Molly really had done an excellent job.
I swiveled round, bracing my weight on my good leg and lifted the other over the side, easing myself into the hot water, my body instantly relaxing as it cocooned me in its warmth, providing me with a level of comfort I hadn’t felt in weeks… since before my accident. Turning the faucets off, I leaned back against the end of the tub, breathing in the essence of the scented water and letting out a sigh so deep it was almost a groan, closing my eyes as I willed away the pulsating ache in my bones, until it was more of a murmur.
Steam merged with the trickles of sweat running down the side of my face as I teetered on the precipice of unconsciousness, my body desperately trying to rid itself of tiredness by allowing me to sleep. But as with every time before, Molly made herself known and I couldn’t stop her words from the surround-sound loop they’d been playing on for the past ten days.
‘You don’t know everything about me, Felix.’
I thought I did, but maybe I didn’t.
My memory played back to the first time I’d seen her. It was the beginning of my rookie season. She’d come to meet Coop at the practice arena and I’d found her waiting in the corridor for him, leaning against the wall. Her head was in a textbook and she was all thick curls, skinny jeans and a hoodie that was far too big, and I stood watching as she twisted one of the ringlets around her finger as she concentrated. She looked nothing like the usual type of girl that stood outside the changing rooms, and I wanted to know why, wanted to know who she was. Wanted to know her. Then when the door had opened and she’d glanced up, I caught a flash of fiery amber filled with annoyance because it hadn’t been Cooper, before her head went back into her book. And then he arrived with the rest of the guys and introduced us to his baby sister who was starting at Columbia Med. And withthe introduction came the silent but very clear warning that she was off limits to anyone.
And I listened because this was my new family, and I wasn’t about to start any drama.
But Molly was always around. She’d hung out with us when she could, she’d come to watch us at practice or home games if she had the night off, and we’d become friends, better than friends, best friends. When some dickhead guy, who didn’t deserve her in the first place, had made her cry, it was my shoulder she cried on. When we were all out, I made sure she got home safely before I went off with anyone else. When she’d have a panic about her exams and needed help, I’d quiz her. I started sending her random and complex medical questions on a daily basis to find out if she knew the answer. I even bought a copy of the textbook her nose was always in, so I’d know if she’d got them right. I still did it now, just to keep her on her toes.
And for me, I was an only child and I’d never really had a friend who was a girl, because hockey took precedence over everything, but Molly was so easy to be around, warm like sunshine, funny and sweet, and almost always smiling. And I loved making her laugh, because I found that making her laugh, made me laugh. And even better, I loved winding her up, because as much as she was like a bright sunny day, her temper could shatter the toughest glass. And she was scarier than Coop when she wanted to be.
So yeah, I did fucking know her.
Although clearly not everything, because I didn’t know about these feelings. And I wanted to. I wanted to know when they started.
When they stopped.
Why they stopped.
I wanted to know everything I didn’t already know. I wanted to know the rest and the space between.
And I wanted to do it before Freddie and Wolf set her up with another hospital douche, as seemed to be their mission lately. It was their fault she’d run out yesterday when everyone had been here, after they were quizzing her about someone who’d asked her on a date.
I dropped a washcloth over my face with a groan, trying to ignore the tightening in my stomach at the thought of Molly on a date. It had better not have been that fucking Reyes. I’d never met anyone so cheesy, even if I did begrudgingly agree he was excellent at his job.
Fuck’s sake.
My fingers started tracing back and forth on my leg, over my scars. My Molly marks. Molly Marks. My permanent reminders of her. She would now, forever and always be with me in a way she’d never been before.
Fuck.
I needed to fix this.
I needed to get Molly to speak to me.
