“Anytime you’re ready,” Rachel said. “I want to hear everything about you as well.”
“Mike, something on your mind?” his father asked. We all turned to him and he rubbed the back of his neck. His parents looked concerned as they watched him.
“Yeah, there is actually. If you’re not in a hurry, I was hoping we could talk, Mom.” Mike’s brows creased as he looked at his parents.
“Of course, son. You know you can always talk to us,” Andrew said, looking between us.
“Ah, I think I’ll go check on a few things.” When Mike started to protest, I shook my head. “You guys talk. I’ll be inside if you need me.”
“Please stay,” he asked, and I couldn’t say no. He leaned his elbows on his knees and turned to face his parents.
“Mom, Dad, I wanted to share a few things with you. Things I’ve not been open about. I, ah, I’m going to counseling now, and this was a discussion Pastor Danny thought I needed to have.” I was so proud of him and whispered a silent prayer that this would go well.
“Counseling? Honey, what’s wrong?” Rachel asked in concern, leaning towards him and taking his hand.
He blew out a loud breath. “I’ve, um, been struggling with depression and some anxiety.”
“Mike,” she breathed out. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“You know we’re always here for you, son,” Andrew said. It was so obvious how much they loved their son, so I silently prayed for God to intervene as they spoke.
There was a long pause before Mike spoke again. “But you’re not, Dad. You’renothere. You haven’t been here for me for a long time.”
“Is that really how you feel?” Rachel asked. I could already hear her voice trembling, about to cry.
Mike sat back, letting go of her hand. “Listen, I’m so proud of what you do. You have no idea how much. I wish I could be as sacrificial as you both are for God. What you do is so important,sonecessary. But I’ve always known that it’s where your heart is more than it ever was here with me.”
“Son, that’s not true. You will always come first. But…they need us there. They have no one.” Andrew’s voice was heavy with emotion.
I could see Mike’s eyes clouding over. “That’s just it, Dad.Ineeded you, too, when I was young. And now as an adult, I don’t have the ability to just pick up the phone to talk over stuff I’m going through.” I reached out and held his hand tightly.
Rachel sobbed out, “Mike, oh, gosh I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“You should never have been made to feel that way. Mike, you’re the most important person in our lives. We thought, I don’t know…we thought you were fine with all this,” Andrew pleaded.
“I did everything I could to make you believe that, even when I was young. But I felt like you didn’t see me. I realized I wouldn’t get your attention, so I put on a happy, strong face. Honestly, back then, I was scared you’d forget about me.”
My heart broke into a million pieces hearing his words.
“Mike,” Rachel said through tears, reaching for him again. “Never. That couldneverhappen. I’m so sorry. We should’ve asked more questions or been more present. We were caught up in how poor and desperate the people there were. It hurts my heart that you felt neglected. It was never our intention, I hope you know that.”
“Can you ever forgive us?” Andrew asked, laying his hand on Mike’s shoulder.
“Yeah, I already have. God and I have been having some interesting conversations lately,” Mike said with a watery laugh. “I’m tired of pretending. There’s no way to hold back my emotions, what I’m going through, to keep those closest to me from worrying or feeling differently about me. I can’t do that anymore. I wanted to say these things to you so I can defeat these lies I’ve been listening to. The truth is, I really miss you guys. So much.”
We talked at length about how they could find ways to stay in touch more often and be intentional about it. The four of us spent some time getting to know one another and sharing funny stories about Mike. When they left, he looked as if he’d dropped a thousand-pound weight off his shoulders. I pictured those heavy rocks Pastor Danny had told Mike about. It was a privilege to see him drop more of them, and I prayed I would be able to do the same.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Mike
I was driving homefrom work, thinking about the last several weeks. Smiling as I remembered my parents taking an extended break from their work and spending a few weeks with us before heading back to Kenya. There had been dinners the four of us had with Grammy, beach days, and more long talks. Mom and Dad had fallen in love with Ren, just as I knew they would.
Worship music played softly as I drove through traffic, my mind drifting to Ren as it often did throughout my day. Until about two weeks ago, things had been great between her and me. We spent a lot of time talking about everything under the sun, getting to know one another on a deeper level. I huffed out a laugh, picturing her passionately arguing about American versus Italian cultural differences.
My smile faltered as I thought about how she’d been growing distant lately. She said all was well when I asked, but I felt a slow pulling away. It was little things that were starting to add up. I thought it was stress from waiting for the immigration processand planning for the business, or maybe that she was missing Italy, so I never pushed when she’d say she was fine. But the night before, she was completely checked out. Before I could ask her about it, she said she didn’t feel well and went to bed early.
I rubbed my head as I drove, hurrying to get home to her. She’d missed breakfast that morning, and she replied to my text later in the day with a short, quick answer, also unlike her.
