“Oh, also, the doctor said Grammy will need to stay in the hospital for a few more days if she continues to improve. Thenwe can make plans for the ceremony and for you to you know…move in.”
All my bravado was gone, replaced with the knowledge that she’d see me at my best and my worst. That’s what married couples did, I was told. Of course, I’d have to work extra hard now to keep my depression hidden. She didn’t need to know about that, especially since I’d promised God to handle this on my own.
“Well, I still have to call my parents. And my boss,” she answered, her voice drifting off. “Oh, wait, I’ll have to go back and tie up loose ends. I might also need more paperwork. I’m guessing you don’t want to put off the wedding with Grammy’s health issues, but I could go right after. Anyway, my mind is starting to spin now.”
“I hadn’t thought about you leaving. Is there a way to take care of things over the phone? Have your things shipped? I can take care of that expense. I’m not sure it’s a good idea with the immigration process.”
The hiss of what sounded like a coffee maker sounded in the background, and I smiled, picturing her making that dainty cup of espresso.
“Oh, no, Mike. I can take care of all that myself. I could possibly wrap up things with my landlord from here, but I don’t have friends who would be willing to go and box that stuff up,” she said, her voice saddened. It broke my heart to think she didn’t have people she could rely on. I’d never take advantage of my friends here again after hearing this. I knew my guys would drop everything to help with something like that if I needed them to.
“Would your parents maybe help out?” I asked, grasping for ideas.
“I guess I could ask once I tell them about the wedding. Not sure how that conversation will go. The apartment camepartially furnished, and the rest could just be sold.” Her tone turned businesslike as she listed everything she needed to do.
“I would come with you if leaving was necessary, but Grammy wasn’t?—”
“Absolutely not. She needs you more than I do. I’ll figure it out, and if I do need to leave, I’ll only be gone a week or so.” Her message was clear. She didn’t need my help.
“Should I be on the call when you speak to your parents? I’m sure they’d want to meet me.” Taking my coffee with me to the back door, I opened it to check on Max. He was having the time of his life chasing birds and wrangling a ball that he’d chewed to pieces. The old guy still had a little pep in him.
“You definitely don’t want to be on this first call. My mother, well, she’s going to be very unhappy. I’ll call them after the wedding and let you meet them then. Or wait until I go back and tell them in person.” Her voice was firm, and she left no room to push her on it.
“Okay, you know them best. How unhappy are we talking?” I asked as I sat on the porch step.
“When I tell her the whole story, she’s going to think that you’ve either tricked me into this to help your grandmother or that I’ve become weak and suddenly am depending on a man just to stay here,” she huffed out.
“Ren, I’m really sorry you have to face that. I don’t want you to do that alone, though. And I don’t think you should wait until after the ceremony. Besides, that’s what this marriage is about, remember? Together. We face it all as a team. I can handle her backlash, promise. I want to be by your side through the good and bad. The joy and the hard times.”
She sniffled, then cleared her throat, and I wanted to race over to her if she was crying. The need to protect her was triggered the second I held her in my arms last night. I wasn’t joking when I told her I wanted to carry her off like a caveman,and it was for moments like this. She didn’t need to face anything alone ever again.
“I appreciate that, but I’ll be fine. I’m used to doing things on my own.” Her voice was more vulnerable than I’d ever heard it. “But I’ll think about it. Just know that if you are on the call, she’s going to be blunt and not hold back. She’s going to ask if I’ve fallen in love, if this is forever.”
“I know we can’t lie to her and say you’re in love right now, but we can say with all confidence that this is forever.” My voice was firm, and I prayed she heard my determination and the fact that I didn’t include myself in that sentence about not being in love now. I wasn’t ready to confess it, nor was she ready to accept that kind of declaration yet, but I would know when the time was right.
“I hear what you’re saying, Mike, but you need to know. I’ve neverbeenin love before. I don’t know if I’m even built that way because of my upbringing. I’ve committed to you, to this relationship, as crazy as it is, but I want to be sure you understand that it may take a long time before I get there.IfI get there.”
“Let me and God take care of that. One day at a time, okay? And just so you know. I’ve never been in love before either.”
There was another long pause. “I, wow, that’s...”
“Together, okay? Taking it slow. Ren, I want you to understand what this means from my end so we’re clear. I’m not asking you to be my roommate. I’m asking to be your husband.”
I could hear her breathing increase, and I closed my eyes, praying she wasn’t going to change her mind.
After a long pause, she quietly answered, “I know what we’ve committed to, Mike. I just needed you to fully understand who I am. It is a little easier knowing you’ve never been in love either, though.”
“Yeah, we will bumble through it together,” I said with a chuckle.
“Ah, okay, well, if you want to come a little earlier, we can call my parents before we leave for the hospital.”
“I’ll be there at 10:30. Thank you for letting me be with you. See you soon.”
“Ciao,” she whispered and hung up.
The idea that we would be each other’s first love made my chest swell with happiness, even though her words initially saddened me.“I don’t know if I’m built that way.”
My goal now was to convince her that she already had the capacity to love. It was evident in the way she walked through the world and in the way she treated people. It wasn’t going to be easy since she had believed this lie about herself for so long, but my bride-to-be was the kind of woman who was worth the fight. I’d just have to prove it to her.
