Looking back at my grandmother, I heard my shaky voice say, “I don’t understand.”
She squeezed my hand, her strength returning slowly, and said, “Mikey, don’t be upset. I’ve known for several months now. My heart has weakened and is tired. I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, but I couldn’t.” Her tired eyes brimmed with unshed tears, and I bit my lips together, forcing my body not to fall apart.
“Grammy,why?”
“I know how lonely you are, son. What this news would do to you. You’re facing something that’s destroying you from the inside out. I see it every time you come to visit. There was noway,” she paused and swallowed, “no way I could add to that. Mikey, God had my days all listed, one by one, in His book before I was ever born. He won’t take me until my purpose here is fulfilled. And part of that purpose is to continue being your prayer covering.”
“But, I would’ve come every day. I, I would’ve stayed longer.” Guilt flooded my mind for every moment I missed with her.
“Exactly. You already spend so much time with me. There’s a life for you outside of the walls of my apartment. I’m sorry I held this from you, but now it’s time for you to know.”
“Mr. Walker, I understand that the word ‘failure’ can sound final, and honestly, in some cases, it is. But your grandmother is one of the strongest patients I’ve ever encountered. She’s a fighter. This heart attack will slow her down a bit more, but with proper treatment, monitoring, and some lifestyle adjustments, she can be stabilized.”
“How, how long, doctor?” I asked, looking at him, pleading with my eyes not to lie to me, even though I knew whatever timeframe he said would never be enough.
“That’s an answer I can’t give you, unfortunately. Mrs. Rose started medication as soon as we discovered the problem a few months ago, and her diet has been altered to lower her salt intake. With proper care, I’ve seen patients live for years with this condition. She will fatigue more easily, and after this event, it may be at least a week or two before she starts to feel herself again, longer to fully recover. But, as she’s told you, she’s not ready yet.” He had turned his gaze to his patient with a knowing look, no doubt having experienced her stubborn side. I’d never been more grateful for it.
“I do need to see a few more patients. Mrs. Rose, you’ll be here for at least a few more days for observation and medication adjustment. I’ll check on you daily, and the nurse has my number in case you need anything. Mr. Walker, it wasnice to meet you. Sorry it’s under these circumstances. I’ve been wanting to meet the man she talks my head off about,” he said jovially.
“Thank you for taking care of her when I couldn’t,” I answered, looking down at the floor.
I heard his shoes squeak out of the room, leaving me alone with Grammy once again. I had so many questions. The need to fuss at her for keeping this from me was superseded by her words earlier.
She knew. Of course, she knew. I hadn’t been able to hide anything from her since childhood. Why two people who loved each other so much felt the need to withhold information nagged at me. Each of us tried not to worry the other, but we missed out on the strength we could give each other.
“I’ll find the best cardiologist in San Diego,” I said, standing up and pacing. “I’ll move you into my house and take care of you. Make sure you get the right meals and take your medications.” I was rambling, and she let me for several minutes.
“What do you intend to do, Mikey? Quit your job?” she guffawed. “I will have everything I need right there at Willowgrove. I’ve already talked to the administration in case things get worse.”
I pushed my hand through my hair and grimaced. “I just don’t understand. It’s not right, not fair, for you to keep this from me. Do you know how devastated I’d have been if you didn’t pull through today, only to find out about this afterward? The regret I’d have to live with?” I held my head in my hands, my temples throbbing at the thought, pain building inside my head.
“Mikey, I know it wasn’t fair. You’re right. I kept trying to find the right time. But it was so clear you were in distress.” She coughed, and I ran to her, grabbing the monstrous keypad, looking for the nurse button.
“Wait, no I don’t need them. Just get me a sip of water. My throat is dry.”
Grateful they’d brought some in earlier, I poured a bit into a cup and raised the top of her bed, helping her take a sip from a straw. Her hands were shaky, and I had to remind myself of what she’d just been through.
When she nodded that she’d had enough, I said quietly, “This isn’t the time for that. You need to rest. I’m sorry I got upset. Forgive me.”
She held onto my forearm. “You have nothing for me to forgive you for, son. The Lord told me you’d confide in me when you were ready. Just know that I’ve been praying for you night and day. Whatever you’re going through, know that you haven’t been alone.”
I knew firsthand how powerful my grandmother’s prayers were. She could move mountains when she made up her mind, and I cherished her prayer covering over me. Suddenly, memories flooded my mind—late nights alone at home, fighting darkness that tried to overtake my mind day after day. But more than anything, I remembered the times when I felt the depression retreat like a defeated enemy. Visualizing my grandmother praying for me across town, driving away the darkness and covering me in her prayers, made my heart ache.
When I looked into her eyes, she nodded as if she knew exactly what I was picturing.
“Thank you. Thank you, Grammy,” I whispered. I knew this exchange had fatigued her, so I needed to let her rest.
“You’ve never fought this alone, Mikey. He will never leave you. And as long as I draw breath this side of heaven, I will fight for you with everything I have.” Her eyes fluttered closed, and a peace descended over me. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was no longer alone. Between hearing her say she’d beenfighting for me and Ren saying yes to my proposal, the ache in my heart lessened. I prayed it would continue.
The nurse passed by and whispered, “I’m sorry, but she needs to rest now. Visiting hours will open again at six tomorrow morning.”
I wiped my tears and nodded. Kissing Grammy’s hand once more, I stood and left one on her forehead as well.
“Sleep well, my fierce warrior.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Renata
