The same guilt I used to feel around him returns, and I remember why this was a mistake, and why it’s a danger to be around him. The feeling that I couldn’t live with myself was one of the reasons I started using. It wasn’t his fault, or the fault of any of the others who made me feel that way, but it’s still the reason.
“You might have said that before,” Colt admits. “But you were wasted.”
“Doesn’t make it any less true,” I say. And then I steel myself and sit up straight. “And I’m sorry. I don’t know if I said that before, but I’ve never said it soberly. But I am. I’m sorry for everything I did to you.”
“Yeah, me too,” he says, flexing his hand with the missing middle finger, his hand that doesn’t quite straighten fully anymore. “And I’m sorry for what I did to you too.”
I didn’t expect that. In all the years I imagined getting to apologize to him, I never pictured him apologizing back.
I never knew I needed him to.
Before I can answer, a section behind him goes from twinkling bright and cheery to ominously dark. My breath catches, and my heart stops. Another section of the city follows, blinking out like a switch was flipped, then another, disappearing from existence.
“What?” Colt asks, twisting around to see what I’m staring at.
And then it hits out block like a shadow falling over us, and the whole city plunges into darkness.
three
Colt Darling
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Duke mutters under his breath, searching his pockets.
“What’s going on?” I ask, twisting back to look at the darkened city. “Did you do that?”
“Yes,” Duke snaps. “I caused a major blackout all over Manhattan.”
“Damn,” I say. “You could have just asked me up to your place.”
“That was sarcasm.”
“I was just asking,” I say, hunching against the wind as I reach into my pocket for my cigarettes again. “Men have done more to get in someone’s pants.”
Duke fixes me with a look, though it’s hard to read his expression in the complete darkness. “I’m not trying to get in your pants.”
“Okay,” I say. “But I wouldn’t blame you if you were. My dick’s pretty rad, in case you’ve forgotten.”
He pulls out his phone and taps on the screen, texting someone. It pisses me off that he has someone to check on and I don’t. “I didn’t forget,” he mutters, not looking up from the screen.
I can’t be sure he’s even talking to me, and not his phone, but I choose to believe he is. I tuck a cigarette into the corner of my mouth and search my pocket for matches, squinting against the slight wind. It’s cold as hell up here, and with all the lights out, it feels like we’re stranded on some alien planet, far abovethe earth. Below, tiny golden threads crisscross the city, the headlights on every road. Everything else is pitch black.
“I’m guessing the door is locked,” I say. “Or unlocked? How does that work in a power outage?”
“It’s unlocked,” Duke says. “But trust me, you do not want to go down into the city right now.”
“Ah, so we’re stuck up here,” I say. “Sounds like you planned it after all.”
“I didn’t plan a fucking blackout, okay?” Duke says, his voice catching a little.
I strike a match, and in the warm glow, I just catch his panicked expression before the wind snuffs the flame.
“Oh, shit,” I say. “You’re still scared of the dark, aren’t you?”
“It’s never really dark in New York,” he mutters, like he’s talking to himself, reassuring himself.
“Come ‘ere,” I say, scooting toward him.
He draws back, stiffening. “I’m fine.”
