“Fuck. What was he saying?”
“That I would wreck everything for you if I stayed. I would wreck everything for you if I kept the baby. I was a mess, Tully. I didn’t know what to do. It got crazy. He wore me down.”
He puts his hand on his head and tugs his hair.
“So you left.”
I take a deep breath and tell him what I’m most ashamed of. “He offered me money to leave, and I took it.”
There’s an audible gasp from Tully, and I flinch.
“He knew about my dad gambling, he—” I leave the words hanging. “I freaked out. I left, thinking I just needed some time away to think. I took the money and gave most of it to my dad and then used the rest to open up a tattoo shop.”
“So he was able to bribe you with money.” His voicesounds ice-cold, and I shiver, rubbing my hands over my arms.
“He made me promise I would never tell you about it…I could never have any contact with you, but even then, I thought there must be a way around that.”
“To have the best of both worlds. The life you wanted, and maybe me too, if you felt like it.”
“No. Tully, I wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I didn’t care about the money.” I sob, putting my head in my hands. “But once I’d taken it and woke up, realizing what I’d done, I knew I’d made a mistake.”
“That you’re just now confessing to?” he asks incredulously. He scoffs, his eyes narrowing. “You expect me to fucking believe that? How stupid do you think I am?”
I wipe my nose with my fist. “I knew you weren’t stupid. Once I was thinking clearly again, I knew you’d never forgive me for what I’d done. I couldn’t forgive myself…I still can’t.”
“You know what’s crazy? I would’ve given you the money!” His voice sounds ragged, and his eyes look haunted. “If you’d just asked me, I would’ve given you everything.”
“But it would’ve cost you everything, and that’s what I was trying so hard to avoid.”
His mouth falls in disbelief. “What would it have cost me? A broken heart? Got that. Embarrassment that my girlfriend ditched town without telling me? Lived through that. Didn’t know my relationship was going up in smoke until it was over? I’m not sure what you think we avoided with you leaving because I sure as fuck lived through some shit.”
“I’m so sorry.” My head drops, and I close my eyes, trying to calm myself. I’m shaking and crying and basically losing it, and I can’t seem to pull it together. I take a huge breath. “By the time I left, Daniel had me so convinced that Iwas ruining your life that I believed him. I thought you’d be so much better off without me. It’s no excuse, it’s just…it’s what I believed at the time.”
“So when you were finally”—he does finger quotes—“‘thinking clearly,’ had you just decided by then that you were better off without me? You had a successful store, your parents kept their house; all worked out just peachy?”
“I was never better off without you, Tully,” I say honestly.
He stands up and throws a wad of cash on the table. “I’ve heard enough. I’m not even sure what to believe right now.”
“I wouldn’t make this up, Tully. What would I stand to gain from that?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t understand why Daniel would go to such lengths to keep us apart,” he says.
“I’ve never understood why,” I say, my voice cracking. “But he did it. He did everything I’m saying and more. I’m so sorry I believed him and his words more than I believed in us. I wish I’d just told you, but I was so scared. Tully—” I stand up and move toward him, and he holds up his hand, stopping me from coming any closer. “Please. You can’t talk to Daniel about this. Please.”
“You have no right to ask that of me.” He’s staring at me so coldly, I almost don’t recognize him.
For a few seconds, we’re at a standstill, and then my shoulders fall. I’ve come this far now…
“He blackmailed me. That’s why I took the money.” I wring my hands together. “And after seeing me with you tonight, he will retaliate. I don’t know how yet, but he will.”
Alarm flashes across his face, and I want to cry all over again. I don’t want to scare him, but I’m relieved that after what I’ve told him, he still cares about me at all.
“The guilt consumed me when I was away. I tried to call you to tell you about the baby, despite Daniel. It was after oneof your games. I should’ve picked a better time to call you, but I watched your game, and I was missing you. I couldn’t keep waiting to tell you. I called you from work, and you picked up, but I could tell you were drunk and not really hearing me. Daniel took your phone, and he said he guessed I was asking for trouble. I begged him to please give me a chance to tell you. He promised he would, and I believed him. But it just made everything worse.”
Now he’s the one who looks outside.
“My God, Lola. What the fuck? What do you mean, retaliate? Is he watching us right now?” he asks.
