I stand up straighter and run my hand through my hair, reminding myself to breathe. “What do you think we’re doing?”
“I think we’re—” She pauses. “How would you describe it to your family?”
“They know you’re someone I care about. That’s all they need.”
“That’s not exactly an answer.”
“Okay.” I look at her. “Are you worried about how your family would feel if they knew we were talking again?”
Something moves across her face. “We’re doing more than talking, aren’t we…”
It isn’t quite a question. I feel the ground shift slightly under me anyway.
“Are we?” I ask. The words come out quieter than I mean them to.
Her expression changes. “Hey,” she says, putting her hand on my arm.
“I just—” I look down at her hand. “I want to make sure we’re on the same page. That’s all.”
“Tully.”
“Because last time we weren’t.” I’m not trying to do this, I’m not trying to open this door, but there it is. “Last time I thought we were on the same page, and then you were gone. And I know why now, but—” I exhale. “I know it wasn’t what I thought it was. But that doesn’t mean I—” I press my hands flat against the counter and meet her eyes in the mirror. “It doesn’t mean I automatically know how to stop waiting for you to leave again.”
The room is very quiet.
I reach out, giving her every chance to pull back. Myfingertips graze her wrist, then slide to her waist. She’s wearing a black lacy bra and matching panties, and her skin is fever-hot from the shower. “Tell me this isn’t just nostalgia, Lola. Tell me what we’re doing.”
She puts her hands on either side of my face.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she says. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say quietly.
“I mean it, Tully. I love you. I never wanted to leave you. I thought I was doing what I had to do. I tried to fill the void, and it only left me feeling emptier inside. I don’t have any other secrets to reveal, I promise. I want a future with you. I’ve been hesitant to make you feel rushed into anything now that you know the whole story. What can I do to help you believe me?”
I gaze down at her, so in love with her I can’t see straight. “It helps to hear all of those things. I could tell you were being careful at times, and I wasn’t fully sure how to read it.”
“If you’re feeling unsettled about anything, let’s talk about it. I haven’t done a good job of doing that, and I don’t want to make that mistake again.”
“Me neither. I want to talk about all the things. I’ll work on it.” I run my hand over my face and smirk. “You know, I never knew a moment of insecurity until you broke my heart.”
She puts her hand over her mouth and giggles. “Poor baby.”
“Shush. Do I really have to thank you for humbling me?”
She tries to keep from laughing. “Absolutely not.”
I kiss her because I can’t be near her for two seconds without having to.
“Love you, Trouble.”
“I love you so much.” Her hands wind through my hair,and then she smooths down my stache. “And I’ll work on coming to Windy Harbor.”
“Yeah?” I grin and then make a face. “I just don’t want your parents to hate me more than they already do.”
“They don’t hate you. Maybe the next visit can be to Nantucket, and you can finally meet my parents and brother.”
I nod. “Okay.”
