Ellie shook her head. “I don’t know everything. I don’t know anything, really. Becca and I stumbled into what we have, and we made about a thousand mistakes getting there. We’re still figuring it out every day. Three years doesn’t give you wisdom. It just gives you slightly more experience of being confused.”
“But you figured out what you wanted. You and Becca. You knew.”
“We knew we wanted each other. Everything else has been improvisation.” She smiled. “Messy, terrifying, occasionally spectacular improvisation.”
Alexa was quiet for a while, sifting sand through her fingers, looking at the water. “What should I do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to tell her. I want to tell her everything… that I love her, that I’ve loved her for years, that last night was the best night of my life and it wasn’t anything to do with what happened beforewe slept together. It was that, me and her, that was everything I want.”
“Then I think you have your answer.”
“But when? Now? Today? That feels like too much. She’s going to wake up hungover and confused. What if she can’t remember it? I don’t want to ambush her with a declaration of love before she’s had coffee.”
Ellie laughed. “No. Definitely not before coffee.” She thought for a moment. “Maybe see how today goes. See how she is with you. Last night changed something for you, and you’ll be able to feel whether it changed something for her too. You don’t need to have the big conversation today. You just need to pay attention.”
Alexa nodded slowly. “Pay attention. Yeah. I can do that.”
“And Alexa?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatever happens, whatever she says when you do tell her… you slept with her last night and she held you and smiled and kissed your forehead and wished you’d done that sooner. That’s not nothing. That’s really, really not nothing.”
Alexa looked at her, and she looked so vulnerable it made Ellie’s heart melt. Three years age difference felt like ten. “Come here,” Ellie said and pulled Alexa into a hug. “You’ll be ok. I promise,” she said, and felt Alexa nod.
“Thank you,” Alexa said, leaning back again. “Seriously. Thank you.”
Ellie pulled out her phone. “Give me your number. If you ever need to talk about this, or anything, you can call me. Any time.”
Alexa took the phone and typed her number in, then called herself so she had Ellie’s. “You might regret this,” she said, handing it back. “I’m a chronic overthinker.”
“Join the club. I’m a tech engineer. Chronic overthinking is basically my job description.”
Alexa laughed and they stood, brushing the sand off before they started to walk the rest of the way back to the house.
***
When they got back, the scene by the pool confirmed that the comatose had arisen, if only barely. Becca and Mia were both in the water, leaning against the pool wall in the shallows, sunglasses on, looking exactly like two women who were one loud noise away from something very unpleasant.
“We brought supplies,” Ellie announced, holding up the juices.
“You’re an angel,” Becca said, reaching for her juice without opening her eyes. “Both of you. Angels.”
“I’m never drinking again,” Mia said from behind her sunglasses. “I mean it this time. Last night was my last ever drink. I’m done.”
“You said that Wednesday morning,” Alexa said, sitting on the pool edge and handing Mia a pastry, her legs dangling in the water.
“I meant it Wednesday morning too. This time is different though. This time I really, really mean it.” She took a big bite and chewed as if she’d just been rescued from the wilderness after three days without food rather than recovering from a hangover.
Ellie went inside and changed into her bikini, then slipped into the pool next to Becca, who leaned against her shoulder and murmured, “Where did you go?”
“Beach walk with Alexa. Brunch at the cafe.”
“Good walk?”
“Good walk.” Ellie kissed the top of Becca’s head, and the look they shared over the rims of their sunglasses said everything that needed saying:I’ll tell you later.
