Amy nodded her understanding, and said, “Thank you, I… appreciate your honesty.” She paused. “My turn I guess. I slept with Sarah last night. I feel bad telling you it, but I did.”
She paused to let Luisa get over the initial shock, braced herself for a reaction, but Luisa simply shrugged and said, “I know.”
Amy sat back in surprise. “You know? How?” She was genuinely surprised, not sure how Luisa could know, but then also faintly alarmed at herself that she could think that she’d conceal something from Luisa. It didn’t feel right.
Luisa looked sheepish. “Her message to you on Wednesday morning. The phone was on the bed when you went in the shower and the message popped up, I looked at it instinctively thinking it was my phone and it was there. Not much doubt.”
“You read my messages?” asked Amy cautiously, but with a word of warning creeping into her voice. That was a line they shouldn’t cross.
“No.” Luisa sighed. “I was tempted, but I knew it was a bad idea. I only saw that message because your phone was lying there. It… concerned me.”
Amy took a sip of her drink. “I understand.”
“And then, when I got your message at two this morning. Hours after I’d sent you one and hours after you would have gone to bed normally, I knew. I’d hoped I’d misunderstood, but that proved that I hadn’t. It… affected me. I was, I suppose, upset.”
“I’m sorry… I really am,” replied Amy. “That was… not how to find out.”
“But it’s ok, I suppose. I shouldn’t have been upset. We’re in an open relationship. I just hadn’t realised what it would feel like, being far away and knowing that you and her were… doing things together. I was jealous.”
Amy and Luisa looked at each other for a long moment, hand still in hand but it felt like there was tension there, understandably.
Finally, Amy said, “Is that why you were with, what’s her name, Bel tonight?” Luisa laughed, and Amy was confused yet pleased to see that, needed to see that. “What’s so funny?”
“No, not directly… that was such a man’s question, that’s what was so funny. No I wasn't with Bel just because of you. Not directly anyway. She wasn’t my revenge fuck. Bel is just someone that, well, it’s complicated. All your thing with Sarah did was give me permission, I guess, made me understand our dynamic better that we do things like that.”
Amy looked at her and said quietly, “I think we need to change that dynamic. It doesn’t feel quite right now like it did at first.”
Luisa gave her hand a squeeze. “I’m so happy to hear you say that. So do I, absolutely.” She paused. “I feel like after the lastfew weeks this is serious between us. But I also…” She hesitated and then stopped.
“What?”
“I’m lost.” Luisa shrugged, and her expression was vulnerable. “I have very strong feelings for you, stronger than I’ve ever had for anyone before. I told you I love you, and I do. I’ve never felt like this. But… I’ve not had many proper relationships. I don’t know what I’m doing. And there’s so much we don’t know about each other still. I wonder if… I should have kept that I love you to myself for a while longer.”
Amy shook her head emphatically. “Don’t. I mean, yes, that was pretty fast to get to that point, but I feel it too. There’s a connection between us that just… I guess, just is.” She paused and flashed a shy grin. “You’re not saying you actually don’t love me?”
“I love you more than ever!”
Amy smiled. “I love you too, more than ever.” She paused. “We’ll work this out.”
“We will,” Luisa replied quietly. “We really will.”
They sat silently for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company while they sipped their wine.
Finally, Luisa said, “I’m starving. I haven’t eaten, shall we see if they do any food?”
It turned out they did, and as they waited for it to come they started to talk, really talk, more than they ever had before.
“I think we need to get it all out in the open,” Luisa said, and Amy wholeheartedly agreed.
“How far back do we go?”
“Not all our lives, that would be crazy. But how about we talk about Sarah and about Bel, make sure we’ve both got no secrets there. And anyone else there might be at the moment, then… why don’t we draw a line there? That seems sensible, from the point when we said we love each other.”
“That sounds fair. So who goes first?”
They looked at each other, smiling, neither wanting to, and then Amy said, “Tell me about Bel.”
Luisa nodded. “Ok…” She took a deep breath. “I’ve never told anyone about her. You’ll be the first.” She looked down and Amy could tell that she was trying to get her thoughts lined up. “I first met her when I was starting out, eighteen-years-old on my first big shoot. She was twenty…”
